[{TASH}]

SOMEONE HELP ME GET IT

2010-09-03T11:59:00.002-04:00

Recently I have encountered a few of the same situations , mainly with my amigos.

WHY ARE SIDE CHICKS ALWAYS SO COMFORTABLE WITH BEING A SIDE CHICK?

--If YOU are a sidechick , leave a comment or something below with the answer PLEASE--

I really do not understand how a side chick will boast , brag ,and talk about how the "wifey" is dumb for whatever reason when in actuality SHE is the dumb one.

Why is the sidechick always so content with knowing she "took" someone else's man?

Why is the sidechick always the one to be like 'HAHAHAHA YOUR THE SIDE CHICK'...how does that make you look?

Ladies ,you must have morals ,and if you don't GOOGLE how to get some.WTF!! If you ever said something like "yea ,he gonna leave her." "she dumb as hell for staying with him , cuz he with me now." or anything in that nature you're a dumb ass. IT IS OFFICIAL.

I don't agree with the sidechick and "wife" thing at all . ONE OR THE OTHER. Guys will fuck it all up for a night of new pussy . Guys will get to know a female , give her some attention then all of a sudden she thinks she is some type of importance to your life. Meanwhile ,you're stuck looking like the dumbass in the end . Yes, you have "backup" for the time being ,but now you have an ultra dumbass just happy she got you and not willing to do half the things the "wife" did. Yes, it may be a "new" feeling ...no arguing , no bs , straight laughs EVENTUALLY that shit will stop . GET IT TOGETHER LADIES.

Comfortable

2010-09-03T11:52:00.002-04:00

Sept.1 ---

Eyes closed , windows 75% down , sunroof back ,2:58 am ;not a care in the world.Mind is at ease and that feels so new to me . I look over to my left and have a huge grin on the inside. It feels like I waited all my life for this moment right here. I hope this isn't the calm before a storm but honestly how I feel now , I probably wouldn't care if the storm was "Katrina". Vibin to Drake ,ironic because I just saw his special on MTV not to long ago . (Literally about half hr ago). "Only tryna get ahead"is all i'm hearing Drake say. I don't wanna o.d but I want this forever. Gotta play my cards right. I gotta get my mind right.Astonished and Amazed . Is this love? Who knows ?.... I do know this is comfortable.

Hair update

2010-08-24T03:42:00.004-04:00

As everyone knows , I change my hair more than some people change there underwear...seriously lol. One day I will do a two yr update on my hair ..Something like pics from when I started this blog to now .Until then , here is my latest.

UN.DEUX.TROIS.

2010-08-24T03:08:00.003-04:00

three names i go by.

Tash - Tashito - Tashie

Three place i have lived.

Passaic all my life unfortunately

Three people who text/bbm me

Mandel - Tamara - Jade

Three fave drinks

Sweet Tea w/ Extra Ice - Grape Juice - YooHoo

Three favorite old shows

Martin - A Different World - Fresh Prince

Three tv shows i love

Everybody Hates Chris - The Game - Alot of those Bridezilla-esque /fashion & decorating shows

Three fave dishes

Baked Ziti -Chicken Alfredo -Cabbage w/pork and rice YUMMM!!

Three place i have been

All in the states but :::South Carolina , The Village in NY (DEF WORTH MENTIONING)- Gulf Of Mexico

Three beauty/makeup products i can't live without

Mascara - Leave In Conditioner -Blistex

Three places i would like to visit

Most of Europe - Bahamus - Hawaii

Three things i'm looking forward to

Starting a successful career - Having the world know who I am for good reasons - Getting over all of my self doubt/insecurities

Three jobs i have had

Party City (fxck them )-Cooking in Chez Technique ((the restaurant at my h.s )) - Walgreens ....the death of me for the past 4 yrs lol.

INSPIRED BY LOVE-KEYS.BLOGSPOT.COM

11

2010-08-24T03:03:00.002-04:00

I honestly have no idea who I would want to that is deceased.Seriously I am like blank right now ;if it ever comes to me I will blog on it though.

Someone I want to talk

2010-08-24T02:55:00.002-04:00

Letter 10

Someone I want to talk to but I cant as much as I like would be God. I know God is not a person but honestly I really would love to talk to God way more than I do .I am not going to get into my relationship with the highest power but yea I need to get more in sync with God.Enough Said.

I would also like to talk to Mike. He probably thinks I stopped caring about him and such but that was NEVER the case.We did grow apart but I really would like to speak to him more.It just seems extra weird at times :(. SIDEBAR::I AM WISHING YOU THE BEST OF LUCK AND SAFETY IN YOUR FUTURE SINCE YOU ARE IN THE ARMY NOW .

8 and 9

2010-08-17T14:51:00.002-04:00

Favorite Internet Friend:: cant really answer this , sorry ..
Someone I want to meet:: Me in the future. I would really love to see my outcome . I know that it is dumb to say I would want to meet me but I am so serious. If I wanted to meet a few people other than myself in the future I would definitely want to meet
Jay -Z
Oprah
Kat Stacks

That is all that's coming to my head at the moment.

EX-BOYFRIEND ...EX-CRUSH

2010-08-17T14:39:00.003-04:00

To all my ex -boyfriends , ex-crush ,everyone who is an "ex" THANKS !!!! . I am not going to dwell on these people ,but I am so sincere when I say thanks . You guys would never understand how much you not being in my life has helped me . Everything is a learning experience , and I definitely learned how to be stronger. I learned how to get rid of someone who does not appreciate me . I learned the dumbness awareness signs early in the game . Last but not least , I learned how to be me . I know that if someone can not or will not accept me they can keep it moving like the rest of the world :).

EX-BOYFRIEND ...EX-CRUSH

2010-08-17T14:39:00.002-04:00

STRANGER DANGER!

2010-08-17T14:09:00.002-04:00

I am supposed to be writing a blog about a stranger but nothing comes to my mind .

So , on that note .. STRANGER DANGER..

My Dreams

2010-08-17T14:01:00.003-04:00

Inception flow... Joking.

My dreams consist of me being higher than Oprah level . I feel like anything is possible but with ambition , determination , INTEGRITY ,and focus I know I can get there. I have dreams of writing in a magazine column every month . I have dreams of managing someones band to greatness. I have dreams of throwing self-esteem seminars (not just for teenage girls ,but for everyone who needs it ). I have dreams of the world knowing that struggling is a way of life for most , and to not believe the hype. I have dreams of of actually cleaning up the world ,instead of just talking about it. I have these dreams and I am going to be ultra realistic and know that I can , and I will be the change I want to see. Nobody can help fulfill my dreams if I don't start. I am a strong believer in help those who help themselves.

On the flip side ... I have been having this dream where I am in a lake or somewhere and right before I drown I wake up. This dream has been ongoing for YEARS !! Years meaning , I think I remember first having this dream when I was in about 4th grade so about 12 years ago. I really don't know what the deal with this is but whateverrrr ,one day I will know -_-

My Dreams

2010-08-17T14:01:00.002-04:00

Inception flow... Joking.

AMBITA / DEVONTE /RUTHIA

2010-08-09T02:21:00.005-04:00

AMBER -- I hate that you aren't around me so I can properly show you how to be loved . I love you so much . I just want to smack the color of ya father (that is a lot of color) , and put some color on ya mother because they are by far pieces of shit to me . I do not grasp the concept of either one of them . You may be mad at me for saying that but Amber you have to understand that are a beautiful , weird , goofy ass creature . I need for your life to do a 360 as soon as possible . I see so much pain in your eyes even when you're happy .You don't even know what a stable home is , and it sucks because I am only a few years older than you and financially I am not in any predicament to just move you in with me =( . Amber I love you and I would literally end my life for you if I had to . Please continue to try to chase your dreams , DO NOT let anyone tell you some b.s to stop you from doing so. Please continue to know that life will be fucked up a lot of time but know that YOU can eventually get in a better situation with hard work , determination , and the mind set you have now . The second I find out you're trying to give up , is the second I FUCK YOU UP because I know you can do it . I know you are literally sick and tired of everything around you and everything you have ever been through but F IT , life goes on . "WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS , I MAKE BEEF STEW " -ANDY MILONAKIS lmao :)I miss acting dumb with you and Devonte ... =(

DeVonte' - I love you brohamski .. We argued and fought like hell every other weekend since I was like 6 and you was 3 but whatever we are the coolest.Lil but big cuz thanks for always being prepared to whoop some ass for me . I LOVE YOU SCHNUCKKKAAA!!

Ruthia ...yep ,yep you're DeVonte's momma but for some reason I always clung to you . You are literally 21 yrs older than me but I learned alot from you . I hate how you are 99.9 percent of the time but for some reason I just wont leave you alone ... UGHHH!! I never tell you but there is a place in my heart for you ;). I know you always think I'm negative , truth is we are just opposite .The faking that I am happy thing stopped as soon as I knew better , I really hope you stop faking things too but whatever girl .

(these three lames are all my cousins )

Parents Just Don't Understand

2010-08-09T01:54:00.002-04:00

PARENTS , PARENTS , PARENTS !!!

Dear Parents ,

I love you two so much . I know I get on ya nerves constantly but it is all love. I appreciat everything you do for me , way more than you will ever figure out .

Mother of mine AKA Cleatis :) lol , I argue with you 364 days out of the year. I know you probably think that I am going to just be toooo spontaneous one day and the little crazy side of me will take over ,but relax ;you raised me very well . I know I blossomed into this mean ass , over -thinking , caring way to much , demanding , goof ball but I must say I have a very strong , and very smart mind set . I can not give props to myself for this. I definitely would not have known how to accomplish anything if it wasn't for you . I am not going to lie to you ma , I feel like you could be in way better situations , and as much as you tell me to not worry about you , it is hard. I hate to know that you are this smart , tech savy individual who will not do better for herself because she think it is over for her. Mom you know good and well that is not the way to go . Yes, you are 51 but who cares? If there are seventy yr olds graduating college , knowing they are getting a degree for their own satisfaction and not for career purpose , you can get out there as well.Ma I think our downfall will be money . This may be F'D up to say but I honestly feel this way . Majority of our arguments are always over money of some sort . There is no need for the selfish ways when it comes down to this . WE NEED TO GET IT TOGETHER. Anyways , thank you for steering me in the right direction in life . Thank you for letting me know that if I want something to go my way , I have to do what I have to do to have that authority . Thank you for staying up late with me when I was crying over some dumb ass boy . Thank you for letting me know that I can be a bitch sometimes . Thank you for telling me you Love me EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Thank you for be tooo protective , and toooo annoying ;I don't think I would know what to do with it any other way. I definitely want to thank you for always telling me to be better than you . There are so many parents out there that want their children to be like them or less , thank you for letting me be expressive how I want . No , I'm not in school at the moment . Yes , I complain that you do not help me with some of my expenses but in actuality it is only making me stronger .I get mad that you didn't make me do a sport , or any other activity because I kind of feel like that is why I am always trying to do something else. -_+ but thanks again . I LOVE YOU CLEATIS ....

FATHHHHHERR , MOSES , PAPPYYDUKESS ...

I was always the "baby" and i dig it lol . You have 7 kids (maybe more ,PIMP DADDY !! JK) but I must say you treat us all very well . You dont have the education or the funds to take us around the world , buy us cars ,pay for our schooling , or anything else but the love you share is ridiculous . YOUR PATIENCE IS SUPER HIGH . I have no idea how you put up with me and my mother . I really dont know how you and ma stay on the phone for hrs or everytime you guys see each other always do that simple yet heartfelt kiss . I DONT GET IT .LOL. I love you for showing me how a man is supposed to treat me . I love you for having such a soft heart , although it annoys the hell out of me sometimes because I think people are running over you. I hate that when me and you have serious conversations , I can never finish the convo without tears . WHAT THE HECK ??I never told you this but the December my 6th grade yr , I started to hate you . I didnt understand why you had to bring one of your kids around . I did not want to understand that her mother was practically abusive and you wanted to take her in mainly because she is mentally disable . I still hate how you two are. I felt like I lost you as my father because she was around . It went from me being your little girl , to this other girl taking up all your time . =( . Ruthia always said I should try to get to know Nikki (my sister) but I really have no interest in doing so . When we are in the car , I just want to hit her in the back of her head , snap some sense into her. I hate that you never really tried to get her better. She is not as "slow" as people tend to think .. I think you know this but whatever....Dad I know we don't talk everyday but I appreciate all the small things you have done , and continue to do for me .

DORIS AND BENNIE ...There is a big ass chunk of my heart just for yall ... FEEL SPECIAL LOL =)

WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME??

2010-08-07T14:25:00.003-04:00

Letter #2 .. yea i know I'm a couple days late but ehhh Blog police wont beat me up , I'm sure.

My crush ..

Dear Crush ,

You know exactly who you are .I LOVE YOU . I love who you are . I love your motive , ambition , your drive , what you stand for ,your goals , your everything . I know that this is crazy to say but I honestly do . Yes , you get on my nerves . Yes , sometimes I want to tell you to stfu ,and get over yourself but all in all you rock my socks.We could take over the world (seriously , we are two smart asses lol ) ...I know why we wouldn't be the perfect match RIGHT NOW but until i can realize or fully accept the fact that I can deal with you talking to someone else ,you're alllll mine ::evil voice :: lol jk. On a serious note , i respect you so much . Never knew someone could hold me down like this . I feel almost complete , even under our crazy ass circumstances ... BOGUS!! .. I'm not even sure if you can be considered a crush though , I had a thing for you for almost two years now .. hmmm!!!

NUMERO UNO

2010-08-04T11:47:00.005-04:00

Best Friend .

BEST FRIEND ,

Or should I say ex-best friend , Tiara Tyson ... Idk what happened with us but i think its pretty damn lame how you just up and leave our friendship . I did nothing wrong to you and yet you ,just left ?? Like c'mon son , did college make you too cool??I know people grow apart , I am okay with understanding that . I understand that people turn on you but there is always a right and wrong way to go about things.You definitely went the wrong way to do this . I would definitely be lying if I said I didn't miss you ,or that Im not hurt by you ,but "fuck it , things happen " right???? I would be way more settled and have so much more closure if you would have just answered one text , one call , one facebook message , a tweet , anything . You could have easily just been like Tash I hate you . That would have been fine . I guess you wanted someone to chase you , well I chased you ... that ish got old preeeeety quick. I wish you the best in life .DUECEZ

It sucks when you have no one on the same page as you . Many days I wish I had a best friend who I can run to and just be me with . People are so aggy or loved up to even realize im here . That sucks. I need someone who wont agree with me just because . I need someone who will straight up be like "Bitch , shut ya ass up." I need someone who will help with my self - esteem instead of knocking it down like most people do . I am okay with realizing everyone wont like how you look but I am not okay with the spiteful ass comments people make because I dont look like them . I WONT EVER LOOK LIKE ANYONE ELSE !!! FUCK YOU , AND THOSE DUSTY ASS AIR FORCES YOURE STILLLLL WEARING . (no offense to anyone wearing air forces , to each its own . The point I was trying to make was dont come at me when you look , smell , dress the same , and think the same as everyone else.)I need someone who is okay with me crying to them at 3 in the morning about the same thing over and over. I need someone who i can randomly go somewhere with , randomly discuss makeup with . I want to be like hey girl lets go get our 'ginaz waxed ... . The same scene gets pretty lame , and boring ... ANYWHOOT !!! Best friend , whoever you are ,if I ever find you ... Im going to lock ya ass up ,and burry the key in Australia somewhere . HAHAHA ::IM SERIOUS :: =)

30 DAYS , 30 LETTERS.

2010-08-03T01:50:00.003-04:00

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

GONNA ATTEMPT TO START RIGHT NOW ... -_- IM LYIN !! lol . COMING ULTRA SOON THOUGH :)

IM COPYING THIS FROM LOVE-KEYS.BLOGSPOT.COM .EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HER BLOG .. DOPENESS!!

LAW #3

2010-05-28T00:19:00.002-04:00

Lately I have been getting into the 48 Laws of Power ;they are o.d interesting ... Google it ,

Law #3 = Conceal Your Intentions

I really need to get in tune with this law. I feel like everyone always knows my next move and even if they know my next move, my intentions are always viewed wrong COMPLETELY all the way through .I need to really be this secret that I used to be . Keep people guessing in a sense.I keep dwelling on my past but in 08 i really felt like I was the jam mentally . Felt like my whole vibe just spoke power .Now I just speak my mind , and say fuck the world ..take it how you want . That is no buenoooo! ...I think I have to put my thinking cap on and somehow find away to do what I need to do , have people thinking the exact opposite and then realize what I was doing once it is done ... GENIUS!

I think they call this

2010-05-26T11:45:00.002-04:00

VENTING.

WHAT THE FUCK? .... Thats all i can really get it in my brain to say bluntly . Why the hell does it seem like every right turn you make there is always a wrong one waiting for you? Like i was stuck on the " I gotta get me right movement." I got me right as far as where I feel like I need to be headed in life ,and now I feel like I'm more emotionally unstable than ever. Why can't I ever get right?It is always a consistent ,"I feel like my future is going to suck , I am a failure and all that other b.s." AS SOON AS THAT IS ON TRACK , SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH JUST COMES DOWN ON ME.

I know misery loves company but what the fxck?Misery is one lonely ass bitch then if it always finds a way to just fuck with me.

I must admit that I don't feel like that same Tash ,but FYL..let me handle it.

lack of ambition.

2010-05-15T17:38:00.003-04:00

There is this guy that digs me . We have been pretty cool for a good yr now but i honestly feel like I might just be out of his league. He is cool ,cute , funny but I need more than that . Im not even saying im interested but it sucks that people are so closed minded . Seems like people are only willing to know what people taught them at one point in time or another . That sucks because there is sooooo much more out there .You can't possibly say there's nothing else out there .WTF!GTFOH A.S.A.P ...

I know everyone is not going to want to explore and yadda yadda yah but damn one rund down ass town is not and should not be the limit. There is to much money to be made,to many things to do , to much to learn about and to many people to meet to be stuck in one mind set . I just do not understand . He wants to be happy and comfortable in his four walls . I want to break down the four walls and see the universe. He wants to lay back and relax , I feel like I will relax and lay back (literally) when I die.I need to go to concerts , plays , museums ,zoos ,comedy shows , art galleries , beaches , different countries and states. I need to see what else is out there instead of settling for what I am surrounded by . I hate that the world isn't over flowing with ambition and drive.

I hate meeting people that claim they are broke but are steady smoking the green stuff.How the fuck are you getting money to smoke if your'e always "broke"?

This may be ultra rude and I hate comparing people to my past but I have boundaries now. I do not know how to settle for less than I deserve these days .. It is kind of like , if you can not supply for me in certain little ways then you simply have to leave my area.You can have the biggest heart EVER but affection alone can't run a relationship. I need the whole damn package.I dont want someone to do better for me ..I am not the problem . Do better for yourself , I'm sure it will shine through . I will most definitely notice it.

Someone was asked what they would do if they won the lotto , the person replied with "imma build a mansion in Paterson." WHY???????? Not saying it cant happen but why would you want it to? I wanto get away to my own FN tavern .

Someone out there .... please help me , help society.

Grimey MUFXCKAS

2010-02-25T02:13:00.003-05:00

RANDOM THOUGHT :

What is up with all these trifling ass females that do not give a fxck if they are pursuing someone your dealing with? I mean I know people always say don't ever go after the female , it is your man fault ,but sometimes...lets face it ... shit happens.Girls do not care if they discover what your cooch taste like . That is horrible.

Disclaimer::IT IS NOT OKAY FOR ANYONE TO HAVE A SIDE PIECE..

For the girls that have pursued someone you know was dealing with someone else , or even if you didnt know and found out shortly after ... how did you like being the side piece? Better question , why the hell would you still stick around , or even consider being with that person? Did you really think you could take over for long??Like did you really think that the affection , fake shxt he was presenting to u ,chivalry and shxt like that wouldn't die? Did you really think that you were just the shittttttt times 49 ..like what was going on in your head? You suck ass , this little act that u present to the world sucks ass , your whole "swag" sucks ass , like honestly u as a person just sucks ass. I kind of wish I would have let this whole dumbshit continue so yall both could fall flat on your face. He would've saw how whack ur whole being is. SIDEBAR:She would have eventually seen the real you FLAWS AND ALL and not to many people will accept that.

I do want to thank you though . Now I have a better understanding of my worth . I'm not always wondering if I have to please him , or prove myself to him . Now its pretty much "take me as i am". I know I can do without certain people in my life. I am me now . I fell off , but since then I am better than ever.Literally . I still have my insecurities and at times they will take over but like I said , 'Thank you."

OOOO OOOO OOO Sidechicks stop everrr trying to take the role of the main event . Questioning him about her , or questioning her about him is not acceptable . You are there only part time son , cool that shit down ..

I still feel like I have more to say on this .. When it comes to me I will write it.

Amazing SHXT people do

2010-02-25T01:55:00.003-05:00

I have this friend ... Love her to death but Im starting to hate , yes hate , her man , friend , s.o , whatever she consider him . She is just like me,as far as relationships go . When she love , she loves hard . When she cares , there is noooo stopping it . She would give up her life for the person ,give her last dollar (literally) ,and other things of that nature. Before him she was this crazy ,cool , dumb , goofy , silly , dope ass chica which is why she is my bruhder (brother) (we just say it like "bruhder" which is why i typed it that way)..
I honestly think he wiped all of those characteristics I just listed AWAY. Like he makes her feel crazy . He is not a bad guy at all as far as I know ,but I do think he is getting beside himself.He is mad choosy on when he wants to talk to her .He wins her back by doing the typical things like sweet texts , saying he miss her on his facebook wall ,apologizing by saying "i know i fucked up ,but I love you" .. things like that .She feel she is settling because she absolutely ,positively knows she can do better and is only letting herself down by being with him . WHYYYY ARE U STILL THERE THEN HONEY? Bruh , i love you but I need for the dope ass , goofy chick to come back .. I probably could understand you staying there if you ,were still YOU ,and wasnt letting him be your killjoy but noooo your letting him be it . YOU LET HIM .
The amazin shxt people do overwhelms me . You know u have this girl here , that has been ridin for u since day one . A yr and almost 5 months later u still doin dumb shit u did literally a yr ago?? wtf type of shit is that.. You think your cool because like 2 other girls dig you ?? Like wtf. Why wait until she appears to be gone for a minute before you show signs of interest? You're scared to let her go , but you really do not want her to stay ? . UGH!. go play in traffic , while chewing on glass with propone flavoring. ....THAT IS ALL ...

reallly needed to get those thoughts off the dome.

soo

2010-02-25T01:25:00.003-05:00

So I'm inspired by The Dream's "Right Side of Your Brain" for this one .

It's pretty crazy how when your in "love" a lot of us really don't think thing thoroughly, or at all in some cases .You look at things into detail but not really looking at the bigger picture. The bigger picture , nine out of ten scenarios is always YOUR happiness ,& well being . You start to make that person your ONLY way to be happy .You start to think about what life would be without the person , you start to look past the dumb things you went through and struggle like hell for it to work when you and the person know its not everrrr going to work out .If the person was to cancel your plans , & not call you for a day ,you start to diminish all sense of your well being . That is not good at all . You have to get to the point in your life when you feel good that the person is in your life ,but you have to know that if the person isn't there and you are doing everything you possibly can to keep things on the right track , that things will be okay with YOU . Yea, you may miss the person and for a split second have doubts on your role in the relationship ,but all in all you have to understand that if the person can be unappreciative , leave you , and can not genuinely make you happy as a whole ,then you will be okay with out the person . At this point you are only hurting YOU. You need to be to the point in your life where your like yea you're my heart but I'm my soul ... Something like that .. get it??

I'm not saying do not fight for who you love and care about but when you're the only one to show any type of effort then its simply time to go . I am not one to talk about leaving someone . It is definitely easier to say "yea I'm out " than to really be out . It truly is. There has definitely been times when I truly felt that yea Tash you need to get you together instead of worrying about this boy who seems to only care sometimes. I say "boy" because at the time that is exactly what I thought he was , a boy. I felt that I needed to get me together and honestly that is exactly what i did . Sometimes I slip up and fall back into this huge insecure ,"where u at? , "who you with?" character , and on everything I love .. it sucks. Clearly I'm not all the way in tune with myself but I am definitely a working progress.

Anywhoo back to leaving and things of that nature . I feel like lately , I notice a lot of people settling . Despite the b.s I been through , crying and all that I don't think I was settling . I'm not saying I'm not worth someone who can make me happier , and all the other b.s people say but I never felt like I settled for dude.I can definitely say you live and you learn through things. Yes , I would've found someone who would've made me happier by doing little things that most guys do, being a little more content ,& kissing my ass to make me smile but would I truly be happy with that person ?? SHIIIITTT when y'all find that answer be sure to let me know lol ..jp. Settling in no way shape or form , whether it be with a relationship or anything else is ever good . You're only selling yourself short.

Said all of that to say this , PEOPLE lets start thinking things through ,especially when dealing with a relationship. Start realizing your self worth . Realize that if you need to find a happy place for you ,with or without someone else. ... That is all for now ..Hope ya like =)

,,,,,,,

2009-12-31T14:02:00.001-05:00

My plans for this yr are :
to stay tune with myself.
Show confidence at all times
Dont let anything or anyone get to me , especially the ones who I feel isn't really worth it .Even if the person is worth it , don't let the person stress me or bring me down.
Learn to take a chill pill.
Treat others how they deserved to be treated.
Stop arguing so much .
Find a way to have patience .
Stay true to me .
Stop complaining so much , and let minor things that won't really matter slide.
Eat healthy and get my body right . Not just the body but my mind ,and soul to .
I need to keep my word .
I also wanna go to atleast two places far from here
Go to a few concerts
Have a car , and apt .

LMAOOOO is that all i accomplished this year??

+ )

2009-11-11T13:59:00.004-05:00

Notice a diff???
YEP! ,your'e a winner .. the hair is gone.. this isnt really new I started cutting it back in like 2005 or something like that .. First cut was in V.A ... I hated my aunt for recommending it to my mom. Then kept it going with the bangs, then let my friend Brit cut it (she knew what she was doing ) ... FAST FORWARD to 2009 .I got it cut in like April or something into like a Dora Bob lol.. June into this TBOZ looking thing... Then I just got brave in August and chopped everything else off EXCEPT that long part u see in the front .. I dig it but as of yesterday I miss my hair = ( .. Good thing it grows fairly fast.I just pretty much hate that left side ... SHxxT does not stay down but ohhh well .

UPDATES

2009-11-11T13:45:00.001-05:00

things I must blog about ::
Circle of Sisters
JD Lawrences play Clean Up Women
R.Kelly Concert
Powerhouse
My hair
New Beauty Routine
Life as I know it now

WHOOAAAA thas alot

Gaining back

2009-09-22T08:13:00.002-04:00

Problem:: Changing who I am , for a guy

Solution:: Gaining back MY sexy ......... independence

Story::

Okay so if you knew me for the most part of all my life up until around November of last year , you would know that I was an independent , strong , bite the bullet , type of female. I pretty much lost all of that around November. = { . The type of girl that DID NOT take any type of shit from ANYONE.People have been saying I changed , I'm not the same girl they knew before , something isstrange about Tash , and so on . Some people have been real raw with it and just straight up told me

"Tash you need to get your shit together . I don't know where this change came from but you lost your sexy . Seeing you like this is not attractive ::pause:: AT ALL"

It reeked when the person told me that but , it made me realize that ,yep you are right . If my sexy = me being strong , and independent , if I lose that what exactly do I have left? NADA.If youre reading this post , there is a good chance you've read some of the other ones. Some about my life , but even more about my relationship with Mr.Davis.Those post let the world see how we could be at our best , and how we are at our worse. We are like this on going emotional rollercoaster . Im at the part where I ate right before getting on the newest , "biggest" rollercoaster and now Im about to throw up .Dont get me wrong , I have feelings for meathead ,and I honestly believe that they are not going anywhere any time soon ,but im fuckin disgusted with myself. YUCKK!!

I never thought I would be one of those girls that would just dropped it all for a dude. I keep asking myself , "what the fuck is wrong with you Tasha , is he worth losing yourself to?" The answer is def No.

Im gonna admit that part of my reasons for changing was simply because I didnt want to lose him , but I think I pretty much WILL accomplish that because I am not who I was when he met me . He admitted that he never tried to take me away from myself ,but when someone make it easy it just happens. That sounds quite f'd up but that is definitely the truth of the matter in a lot of situations. If you know you can get away with something , chances are you're going to do it and then worry about whatever conequences that may come up , later.I kinda hate him for this but then again I am my own boss , so if I LET him do it , I can only blame myself.right?I told him about what my friend had to say about me gaining back my indepence and he couldnt agree more.He said that Im still sexy as far as looks but as far as the overall package , im lacking . I didnt know Ivory could be that honest with me.(if only I felt he was that honest about EVERYTHING ). That is the honesty I crave from everyone. The truth that hurts like hell .

I need to be exactly who I was when I met Ivory . I'm not trying to go back to who I was because Ivory likes it , I am going back to who I was because that is definitely a better me . I went from well , he knows I dig him but Im gonna make him want me .I am going to be busy , wont rely on a man to entertain me . Now its like he is going to know I i him because I am going to express it all the time, show it / talk about it all the time and live under his sac to prove it some more.NOT COOL.

We shall call this task :: Operation Indepenence.

This change will come , so world pleaseeee prepare for Tash to be back on HER grind = + )....

upcoming post

2009-09-19T00:02:00.001-04:00

my hair
outlook on life atm
upcoming things im looking forward too

friends and ((their)) relationships

2009-09-16T12:41:00.004-04:00

Why is it that some friends just dont get it ? Like im gonna be detailed as hell on what happened . Here goes nothing.Before I start im gonna throw it out there that I know I do not have a story book relationship . It gets rocky,and as of now we are on a "break " whatever that is but yea.

Iight so Im Tasha , my bebito is Ivory . My best friend is Stephanie , she goes out with Ivory's brother Ray.Ray is a cool dude that has bm drama .They are in love and all that jazz , which is cool .Me and Steph got in MANY arguments about how its okay for her to talk shit about me in my relationship but when it comes down to her its like , its the way u say it .LIKE WTF IS THAT . Am i toooooo real for u , should i start sugar coating shit ?

Not happening.

They go through arguments , and its like a never ending routine .. Good for awhile then he fucks up somehow then back at it. Meanwhile , Im hearing the stories from both sides on exactly what it is . Im not the type of girl that gets when a guy needs space. He has to com out and say ,"i need space." Even when he says it ill be looking around like ::well what do u mean:: lol . Its whack but its exactly how I am.She doesnt get it either ,then again Ray doesnt say unless he really has to even though he is feeling it .

Recently it was some dumbness that went on with them . They went throught the same routine of being good for a lil while , he doesnt wanna be bothered so he just ignore her .Not completely go M.I.A , just do shit to make her feel like damn where is he.

She became an instant "tough guy" .Sayin she not the tye of girl thats gonna stay in something , yadda yadda ya. She starts comparing all that Ivory does ,to the nothing Ray does .How the hell is it MY fault that her dude does nada . I mean he does work but no side activities , or school or nothing . How am I the blame for that? So anyways she starts comparing making herself feel bad and thats that .

Me being a friend I start to tell her 101728493588 times lie just cool it for awhile , just cool it , just cool it. She doesnt want to listen to me .She take it like im putting her down . I feel like if she is my friend she will listen to what Im saying rather than get offended by it .

Conclusion :: She will contunue to hibernate under his nutz... I dont care anymore . I may have lost a friend , (then again how much of friends were we if i cant bring shit up)... ehhhhh good riddance to u homie if thats the case.

:(

2009-09-15T23:58:00.000-04:00

nada to blog about , EVER.

relationship days

2009-08-08T03:43:00.004-04:00

Funny how I want things so bad yet I always seem to mess it up somehow . Like Me & Ivory arent done ,I cant quite say what we have but there is definitely some weirdness to our sick ass connection.Can not shake the dude .I feel like I push him away to the max .Actually I know I do .Like Ivory does have this little stuck in his ways thing going on ,but overall he is a good guy.My problem is , im so used to being "miss independent"and things going exactly how i dictate it that im not exactly diggin wen he has his own agenda.IM A JELOUS ASS FEMALE.I gotta suck it up and get over it because I may end up losing the Iv or even a really good friend. So yea WOOSAHHHH BABBBYY!!!...

So our status as of now is we are on a break . "Broke up" because of some dubness that occured on Thursday night (august 6) so now he said we need time to recollect ourselves. I made sure to find out if he was gona be involved with others n any way he assures me that he isnt. I dont really like or really aprove to be honest but im sure it will help us. I hate that Im not in control tho but I guess I have to suck that up also.Everything will be the same i guess , just no title but ehhhh w.e.. Hopefully everything works out for the best.

I wasnt really diggin that Mario song "Breakup" but i totally relate.

Ivrito ultra looks tired but i reallllllly dig this pic .. july 16 09

VACATION

2009-07-24T20:53:00.002-04:00

So Im on vacation and it is quite good. S.C AND V.A .... Some ups and downs . I was still working . Of course not at the greens but I had meetings and phone conferences . Some were unexpected because I met some people while I was down here . One of those meeting went very well the other one was quite fishy . They want Ivory to work for free for 6 months to a yr . Travel all over the eastcost and they dont wanna pay for nada .WTTTFFF . I mean there is a good ,but then again there isnt because all tho he getting hella exposure , it will take thousands of dollars to do all this ... Then the people had the nerve to say "those city chicks prissy". EHHHHHHH lame os. I go back to Jersey at some point on Sunday so More updates coming soon . dont forget to follow Tash on twitter.. : 0O )

Turning 20

2009-07-24T20:35:00.002-04:00

My birthday was on 71789 and it was ultra lame.Like I dont ever have the birthday everyone else have but its whatever .Idk why i get mad when Im used to it . Anyways in my 20 yrs I think I have discovered , let go , re discovered , let go and re discover who I am . I think that will be a never ending cycle for the rest of my life.When I turned 20 i was on my way to Virginia . Thats cool because I was getting away from that place i call my home yet at the same time I wasnt really happy . Then again when am I really happy?? But whatever. I started thinkin about all I have done then of course I started thinking about all that I havent . At 20 I feel like im falling behind.This whole plan that I had isnt happening for me fast enough .

I know everyone has there time to shine but WHAT THE HELLLL . I need my time to be now. Feels like the grass is greener on the other side .My mom always says yea it may be greener hbut u dont know hwat that person did to get it greener .She has a point but still . At 20 I was supposed to be close to done with school . Im no where near done with school . Major setbacks seeing that I have to pay for it on my own . The government sucks so much ass with Financial Aid because its just me and my mom and they still like nah lil bruh its not gonna happen.

I wanted to be on my own , at a college away . Living the college life , actin a fool . None of that is happening .

On the other hand , I do think that I am one of a kind for my age. Lol . I work full time now .school full time , I am on my grind for B.L.V.D , Mr . Davis the drummer , and City Wide Marching Band. Thats not a bad thing but at the same time its not as fulfilling as I would like it to be. But whatever no complaints. Its millions of people that would love to be where I am now . Sighzzzz cant complain cant complain . I need to know that I am blessed .

now or never

2009-07-07T18:16:00.002-04:00

Okay so I didnt put a post up about Mr.Jackson because a part of me actually wanted this to be a joke. No disrespect but I wanted Ashton to come out and say WORLD, youve got punked. Im so serious . I didnt get to watch all of the memorial today but it was soooo saddening to see it . Everytime they said Michael Jackson I felt like I was being stabbed at .It hurts because he was one of those people you just dont think will EVER die. Crazy because there will NEVER be anyone better ,or even come close to this man . I know that sucks to say but he had , EVERYTHING . Charisma , style , a heart made from gold literally .

People had so much to say about how crazy he was when he was here , now that hes gone people seemed to forget al about that . He was human . He wasnt crazy , society just made him seem that way . Amazing how he died , and everyone knows the impact he put on this earth . I need for people to see me like that , and going as hard as I am hopefully I can make a quarter of that change or difference in the world. I would be so satisfied. When babies know of Michael Jackson , thats dope. I dont think there is really anyone in the industry now that ALLLL generations will know about , and grow with .You can speak to pretty much everyone from different generations and they can all say they grew up on MJ.

He wasnt scared to do what he wanted , and change . He went and worked hard for the best ALWAYS . If everyone followed after him , or better yet if everyone did what it takes to become the best you can be the universe would be so much better. He gave when he needed to . Nowadays people are to money hungry to help someone out . Like help those who help themselves. If you see someone struggling and you know u can do something to make it better , MAKE IT BETTER. .... ughhhh!!!!!!!!! Im mad and sad all at once. This whole thing is just so surreal to me.

MJ you will NEVERR R RRRRRRR RRRR be forgoten...

outfit for 710

2009-06-30T12:07:00.002-04:00

On 7.10 as you all know im gonna to HOVs concert. Ivrito , Stephanie (1 out of the 2 of my best friends) ,and Ray (Ivs brother and Stephs boyfriend) will be there .

I wanted to look girly like a skirt that starts at my waist , a belt , wife beater , and cute accessories.

Now I think I wanna wear a skirt ,or some nice shorts that compliment my fanny , a wife beater ,"rugged accessories" like chains ,and a yankee fitted. Idk where the fitted came from but I think its a cute idea. I think thats what im gonna stick with.

...hellp someone lol

MIA

2009-06-30T11:28:00.002-04:00

Okay so for a few days from the 25th until yesterday I have been M.I.A .. it kinda felt good not tweeting ,talking to certain people or really doin much of nothing. of course during this time , i started thinking and realized I need to get me on track .

In the beginning of 09 i had hella plans . Now the middle of 09 is here and all I wanna do is go places and explore. Thats not a problem but im spending hella money . I made less money last yr and saved up wayyy more . I need to get back on track to do that so the plan

Im gonna put atleast 100 back each check .
Im opening a new account this Friday so that will be my checking , and my savings will be with the bank I have now.
Im gonna write down everything I need and want .
Even calculate food expenses .

I cant go over the numbers I put for myself. This is what I did last yr and it worked soooooo yea starting that now..

Birthday Wishlist

2009-06-24T14:30:00.002-04:00

THINGS TASHII F BABY WANTS LOL::
-A DOG-Preferrebly a yorkie but any little one will do .except a chihauhau (sp)
-Necklace from Tiffany .I want one of the ones that look like a key -the really simple one in large so its like 300.
-I want to spend the day or do something that night with the people I care about up here.
-I want to be able to see another yr.. f that .I wanna be able to see about 156789098765 yrs.
-I want a little shopping spree ..like tiny .3 shirts,2 jeans ,2 sandals,1 sneaker,2 skirts, 4 shorts ...lmao idk where i got the numbers from but yea..
-I want to get some long and obnoxious Angela Simmons weave. Its dope
-A 2 finger ring with my name on it
-someone to pay apart of my books ad tuition
-makeup from mac
-nice smelling perfume

and the biggest but i kno im not getting it
-mac..

if i only get 2 things from that list ill be a.ok .. mai things i want is to be able to see mmore yrs and to spend the day with the people i love..

but the dog and the necklace will be nice too lol

summer 09 update

2009-06-24T14:22:00.002-04:00

Things have been goin quite okay . Of course some major speed bumps do pop u but for the most part everything is quite swell .
The summer is okay but i can tell now im gonna be ultra broke this summer.

Im going to HOVs concert on July 10th .
My birthday is July 17th .
July 18th or mybe even the 17th Im going to go to V.A
July 19th -S.C
July 28th-leave S.C to V.A
July 29th-leave V.A to N.J

August 1st -Americas Most Wanted tour ..

end of august going some where with stephanie

july 3-5th on one of those days I wanna watch fireworks with someone special
I wanna go to a beach in Jerz (its been years)
I wanna go to a batting cage
I want City Wide Marching Band to have atleast 4,000 by the end of the summer
I want to get about 2 tats and a piercing maybe
I want to enroll myself in a school i actually wanna be in .

I want alot lol.

im feenin

2009-06-16T00:33:00.000-04:00

i am fn feening for dorney park .. i need to go already wtf...

my hair june

2009-06-15T01:25:00.002-04:00

OKAY so ive been thinkin its only been 8 weeks since i relaxed my hair . I checked the calenar today and it was actually ten weeks on saturday . How cool seein that i think the longest i really wait is like 7 .Anyways I love how it feels , lets see how long i can go this time . i like how long the front is now although im sure itll look the same when i flat iron it ..:)

sj09.long post

2009-06-11T13:39:00.008-04:00

GOT HELLA HIGH . SEEMED LIKE WE MISSED THE MEMO ON BRINGIN WEED BUT CLEARLY SHE DIDNT CUZ SHE ROLLIN IT RIGHT THERE.SAW THE NASTIEST OUTFITS AND BODIES .. CELLULITE SALLLLLLY
THE LADIES .STEPH , TASH, TIARA

SCHMOLS LOOKI HELLA DOPE.AS USUAL
I LOOK SO GRAY IN THIS PIC WTF. I HAD ON HEELS BUT THEY WERE KILLING ME . UGH

ME AND THE WENDYS GIRL .. TIARA LIKE WHATS HER NAME IM LIKE UHHH WENDY , DUH LOL

THE SHIT!!!! This is like the best . I paid a teeny bit over 100 but i saw about 26 ppl which is cool they would be ::

Asher Roth - GS Boyz -DJ Webstar and Crew

Ryan Leslie -Redman - Method Man

Mary J - Day 26 -Busta Rhymes and that guy

T-Pain -JAY Z -Drake

Serani-Movado -Elephant Man

Jim Jones-Juelz-Jadakiss

Soulja Boy -The Dream -Fabolous

Styles P-Pleasure P -Jeremi

Lil Kim -Ace Hood -DJ KHALID

Young Jeezy

a whole lot of ppl ...

best part was JAY Z . Like by him popping up I went NUTZ . Cried and all like thats when the concert go soooo surreal . like omg . Like Mary J was hella good to and I think her performance was the best but HOV was the best part . Hands down . I got so excited to see Drake . poppd up fast as hell but yea Jay Z made me forget it all . SIGHZ .

I DIDNT REALLY TAKE PICS OF THE ARTIST . SORRY ! ITS ALL EMBEDDED IN MY BRAIN .

That day was classic . Had so many haters , stopped traffic , ate the best strawberries in the world lol (compliments of whole foods) , got high from contact. picture this a whole stadium lightin up .lmaoo .. good times . Only bad thing i hated was jimmy and juelz performances .ugh they sucked major ass .Then mr.jones had the nerve to talk shit about HOV.Maybe its just me but if im only worth like 1million , i will not talk shit about someone worth 150 million .. how dumb . like hes talkin shit about hov when his rhymes suck . if he was smart he would buy him a handy dandy notebook and take some notes.. I <3>

more of my thoughts atm

2009-06-11T13:21:00.002-04:00

Knock me down constantly when Im at my highest . stomp me even further down when im at my lowest. Those ppl are sorry ass lames , who will never make it any further than fuking with me , trying to bring me down . Silly Rabbit, Im movin regardless of how hard u try to cement me here. If all all dumb asses ws smart yall would move with me . While Im movin u plottin ya next move on shooti me down . While im down im plottin my next move on how ima get back up and go harder than b4.Why havent people learned yet? U can not fuck with a true go getter . U just cant . So no matter how hard all the dumbasses try to fuck up my life, youre gonna end up fucking up yours. Worthless scoundrels . Now bite on tha , bitch .

(this wasnt directed to anyone in specific,UNLESS u knock me down in any way . If you shun me , hate to see me happy this is for you too . If knocking me down is your hobby , wait ..no . If knocking me down is your career , by all means keep going . I may ge weak ,bu betta believe when I get over he emotional stages of shit I ammmmm stronger than b4 . Write that shit down and think about it.)

6:18

2009-06-11T12:59:00.003-04:00

This may make no sense at all . woke up @ like 5:50 with this beatin on my brain so here goes::

So I seem to get physical lately ,nothing is incidintal ,no one understands what goes on in my brain . It was often just my emotions that had me saying stuff ,but now im doing things that may get me in trouble . Sucks when its just me , trying to let it be u . Seems like its us against the universe ,so my thoughts or hopes of "us" arent happening.I do the best that I can , to be the best u had . Not really working out though , I need someone who can be liberal without a fight .(take a stand for me , like i always do for u).I dont want her living there , seriously im shook . Cant believe ya fam would disespect me like that , i cant fight back . idk what to do , just only wanted it to be me and u . see im trying to hold on , at this point its not working though .

One would think LOVE would be enough .But damn , guess u wasnt expectin that word , probably hit u type hard.No need i steady denying the shit , why u think I was riding us so hard ... for Like?? LMFAO fuck outta here , yea right. Go hard for someone , pour your heart out ,give them you in every way . Guess thats not cuttin it . People hate to see us together , love when Im miserable though . 2 words to them :: FUCK YOU. PPL sayin I can do better , somethin in my brain is sayin i dont want better , I want Iv .

No , we havent had the strongest relationship. There were def many times I just felt the need to give up.You had me cryin , was actin dumb , started lyin . We both get tired of the shit so we wanted out . Shit got to tough , neither one of us need the stress. Somethin stronger than the dumb shit keepin us together. Now another obstacle? For real , a-fucking-nother one? Crazy cuz this time its not even either one of our faults.We cant win. Damn I just wanna be on chill mode , how it was when we first met . Laughin , chillin , goin hard together. It was young .We was each others but ppl def aint go THIS hard trying to kill "it". U let that get to u , ate your ego pills and then u get so ugh!.can I get a good amount of time with u b4 more b.s happend?? Shit let me cope wit the last dumb ish . Its undeniable that we got a thing for each other. So wtf is up with this shit . Feel my pain on this one . I dont like this situatuon so u need to change it for real . this shit is ridiculous.UGH fuck my life . seriously . cant lie and say im going to let her stop this . we r to strong for it . we are like the litte engine who could . dead ass . jus had to vent my feelings to u in a diff light , for once.

sooo heated

2009-06-07T00:34:00.002-04:00

Okay , so tomorro was supposed to be a good ass chill day . wake up early , get tats , head to the concert .. sounds good right? yea , i thought so too .. comes to find out none of that shit happening.wtf is it that the only person i can count on is me . wtf .. shit is sooooo dumb.

hair again

2009-06-01T23:19:00.003-04:00

okay so no twist out for me. hurt to much to part it. i just blowdried it a lil not really concentratin on the roots because it hurt like hell and put it in a lil pony ...but i bought johnsons no more tangles tonight and put it in the middle of my head to see how it works,because the new growth there is ridic . very thick and hard to manage at this point . the johnsons made all the tangles and whatever else that was going on in there just dissappear omg sooo bangin . So ill try to do the twist out on saturday for sunday .. If that doesnt wrk im screwed lol. Ill just have to go somewhere and have them do it although i was trying to save dough ..

anyways try the johnsons detangling spray .. thumbs up so far

echhkkk!! mac

2009-06-01T22:07:00.002-04:00

Okay so I went to MAC to try out some foundation. I really wanted studio fix because alot of ppl use it and it seems okay .. So I go and the lady just seemed bleh . She seemed like she didnt wann be there, her life sucked ... etc.WTF i just want foundation . So she says she likes the way studio sculpt feels on her face and she was BEASTIN for me to try it . Im still like nah i wanna try studio fix .She tries the sculpt one anyways so im like wtf. She ask me what color i am , i specifically say im nc50 in the powder one .. she goes oh so youre that color in all .NEGATIVE. I knew that wasnt true so im like uhmm whatever .

Anywho needless to say after she put the ashy shit on my face it was dark as hell (not that thats a problem but when youre tryna match makeup and its like 4 shades darker that what u are it is a prob).. Then Im like can you put the studio fix shes like "ugh , sure" she gets the nc50 and it looked like chocolate compared to me. Like for real if i was to get it and put it on my face ill look like a milk chocolate hershey bar. Better yet a symphony cuz i do have minor acne..So yea that looked horrible to ..

WTF im upset .

Like her customer service was yucckkkkkk!!!!!!!Now Ima just go to a mac store in nyc in friday and get something there .OOOOO and the side with the sculpt on it its all broken out :(

hair update

2009-06-01T13:48:00.002-04:00

My hair right now is HOT ASS MESS ..No other way to explain it,im sorry.

I remember one of those times I said I was gonna try not to get a relaxer.. EHHH I LIED. Im now 7.5 weeks post Ill be 8 weeks post n Saturday . Im not planing on getting relxer soon but OH EMMMM GEEEE my hair looks and feels horrible.I do know I wanna do twist outs for good 2 weeks and hopefully it doesnt look crazy on me since my hair is in a lil bob ..not to little (w.e yall saw the pics) ..

I gonna try to do a twist out tonight ,wear it out tomorro then that wednesday pin it somehow then the next day a mohawk .. friday im gonna twist it out again then saturday wear it out nd on sunday put it in a mohawk for SUMMMERRR JAM .(((these are just the plans they might not come through cuz God only knows how lazy I can get))).

I am searching every hair blog ever to find some reallly good products to stop my hair from being so dry . So I need a good moisturizer ,deep conditioner,leave in and detangler. ...Welp ill go to the store a lil later and be here for about 4 hrs tryn decide because this hair needs help big time...

<3

2009-05-29T12:04:00.003-04:00

Okay , so I owe Chris this post. I told him I was gonna write a blog about this topic like a month ago (not really ,maybe 2 weeks) and still havent gotten around to it because my mind either goes blank or its allll over the place whenever its mentioned. literally.

To me , Love is kinda weird. I think a lot of people over use it ,but then try to put it in a catergory with things they really love. Like you dont put your associates or people you hate in the same catergories as ya friends so why do it with this word. Im not saying you should praise this word,but as far as I know this word defins your best feelings .At times i feel like there has to be just one more word , that can express ya feelings PAST "love".Like I have very strong feelings for things , then I absolutely love things . When I love people, I give my all . I would risk my life for the things I love .I feel refreshed when Im around the people . My worries go out the window with them . I feel like I can conquer all with them. Idk if Im making sense but I really cant describe it . I just know I feel complete.

As far as Chris and his relationship. IN MY OPINION he is a sucker for love times 1934743 for real . Im not saying that its bad but i guess everyone handles it differently . Like pretty much what I got out of what he was sayin is , the feelin he gets when he thinks of her is mindblowing . Like when he was typing I felt like he was a little kid eatting ice cream and sprinkles (cuz u knoooo that lil kids NEED the sprinkles lol). He just seemed so happy talking about them . Like he loves their clingyness I dont think I could stand it .(constant texting , phone calls , always seeing each other if I could ehhhhhhh). I love my independenc he was saying he doesnt think there is such thing as independence when youre in a relationship.Like me and him have two very different opinion about it but at the end of he day its still love. THATS CRAZYYYY TO ME LOL..Although I do think that Chris you should be careful .Almost everyone I know , or everyone I have heard about get their heart broken because they are TOOOO open .And you my friend , seems a bit open lol..

I just want love and to be loved.

T CUBED

2009-05-28T13:22:00.003-04:00

YAYYYYYY SO I REACHED MY 100TH POST , SO WHY NOT TALK ABOUT SOMETHING CLOSE TO MY HEART RIGHT ? RIGHT.

T-CUBED aka 3ts consist of me (Tasha) ,Tamara , and Tiara .. If you didnt get why people call us that clearly its because our first names start with T {{{DUH}}} .. Okay so we have known each ther for HELLA years . Me and Tamara met when we were 4. Then we met Tiara when we were 6 . So we have all known each other for about 14 yrs. THATS CRAZYY to me . We al have our problems with each other , at times we all dont speak and all that other drama but we love each other none the less.Ill post pics up later on us back then and now ..LMFAO .I love us . I love all 100000000000 insiders we have lol.I love when we go to the mall and girls look at us like wtf,just because we are different. We all live in "the hood" yet we dont let "the hood" define us. We are all three ambtious chicas, classy, with a lot of crazy .We know we dont have to be like everyone else .If someone doesnt like us for who we are , they can be out. We all click yet we are alll completely diff. We love having fun.When we are tgether we dont drink or get high yet if someone was lookin at us they would probably think so .Someone messes with one of us they mess with all of us . I loveee our bond ..::awww im getting a lil emotional:: IDK what I would do without them .SERIOUSLY ...

Tiara and Tamara ...Gucci and Louis V , Teenage Mike and Baby Mike ... I love yalll.

tamara f u got any OLD pics of all of us send them to me

Dorney Park vs 6 Flags

2009-05-28T13:15:00.002-04:00

Okay in my last post I said some people prefer six flags better. Over here in Jersey we have to pretty close amusement parks as far as I know . We have Dorney Park which is in PA , and we have Six Flags which is in Jersey . They are both about the same distance from where I stay . Anywhooo ..

I like Dorney Park because its ultra cheap . Like you can go in the water park , and the rides for about 35 AT THE MOST lol.I always find a coupon or I go to Acme so its always cheaper. Last yr we paid 25 cuz a guy gave us a coupon ,how nice of him? You only have to wait on line for like 20 t 25 minutes at the most , and that is sooo much better than the 2.5 hrs you gotta wait on some rides at 6 flags.The one thing I must admit is , the rides are a little better at sixflags. They have kingdaka and all that other mess. Dorney Park is stepping their game up tho , so dont sleep on them . I guess its just preference . But I cant see me prefering a park thats about 65 just for the rides , 35 for the water park , and like 15 for the safari ... Like shiittt thats mad dough .You gotta wait online for at the least 1 hr .So you can get on all of 3 rides ..WTF . I THINK NOT!.

TAMARA AND TIARA WE GOTTA PLAN THIS A.S.A.PPPPP

Summer 09

2009-05-28T13:01:00.002-04:00

Okay so Summer 09 has begun for alot of people .. Im gonna let a concert start off mine . SUMMER JAM YAYYYY!!. I am soo cited ..
Performers include but are def not limited to :
Mary J
The Dream
T-Pain
Young Jeezy
Jadakiss
Juelz Santana
Jim Jones

I said not limited to because EVERY YEAR some people always just "pop up" ..EVERY YEAR it also rains but I guess thats another story ... I HOPE NOT!!Lord please spare us.

So yea thats gonna start off my summer . That day Im just gonna relax , get pretty ,go to the concert have fun and leave it at that . I dont wnt any worries that day .

The rest of the summer is gonna be kinda weird because its gonna be like the first summer the 3ts wont be in action as much . We arent splitting up or anything but we all have our own agendas and its like sheeshh we really do have to grow up lol . If you dont kno who the 3ts are ill be sure to make my next blog about us.Tiara is gonna be in New Brunswick this summer for the most art because she is taking summer classes. Its not far but its def not 5 minutes away .I do know that we have t do our lil annual DORNEY PARK trip . I adore Dorney Park lol . Like I know HELLLLLA people like Six Flags better but ehh.

PLANS FOR SUMMER 09::
The concert

To go to N.C ...S.C .. and somewhere else

I never really go to beaches and I live in Jersey (thats like a sin here ) So I wanna go to some beaches..A FEW TIMES!

To live it up

To get atleast 2 more tats (yep i think its an addiction)

Going Hard

2009-05-28T12:46:00.004-04:00

WHYTF is it that whenever someone goes hard , and has MAJOR tunnel vision its like 537456789 people trying to knock you down ??Seriously.

Okay it seems like all my life Ive wanted to do a lot . I know I am a go getter but I continuously listen to other peoples doubts about me and at times let it get to me . My family sucks major ass. Like they always wanted to see me fail , I was supposed to be pregnant right now , dropped out of school , not in college , no job ,pretty much nothing going for myself . {{I'M NOT SAYING THAT IF YOU ARE IN ANY OF THOSE SITUATIONS THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING GOING FOR YOU ,BUT THOSE ARE ROADS I DON'T WANT TO TRAVEL}}.

Idk why maybe i have some type of disorder but it seems like I like to take on any and everything .If I go somewhere I automatically try to figure out things to make the place better .For instance , I'm managing a band and trying oooohhh sooo hard to get their name out there in a positive light because I think their talent is the truth . Its a Neo-Soul , Jill Scott feel . I love it .People are ike LMAO who are they ?? Or all of a sudden thy become the best musicians alive and say dumb shit like Ohhh im better .. Homie , clearly youre a lame .But yea , thats one of my questions for the day .. WHY THE HELL do that ?? It is ridiculously whack . Your life sucks so you hope mines suck too .. YOU ARE TO COOL !!.

:)

W.I.B.U.2:Ivory Davis; the artist & B.L.V.D ;the band

2009-05-10T15:16:00.002-04:00

wibu2 means what i been up to lol .. just didnt wanna type it all up there lol

Okay well Im band manager for B.L.V.D now and yayyy so souped. They had a coffee house on April 17th and I was overwhelmed with the talent they have . Like maybe its nothing for some people but its dope to me because over here theres no one really on a smooth r and b , jazz , funk , soul feel. Everybody tryna be a rapper lol. So anyways I was like OMG u guys should do this , and OMG u guys should do that and iv was like iight youre now the band promoter. So yea , then For the next coffee house which was on May 1st .. I did flyers / table thingys ,and stuff like that so the band manager was like shes band manager .. HOW FN DOPE LOL . So now im pretty much tryna build their name up. Im almsot starting their foundation up because althought they are a very good band they werent really set up to get them anywhere. I gotta set up a photo shoot, studio time , get them gigs ...pretty much make people say I NEED B.L.V.D IN MY LIFE lol.Every wedding , festival , concert and all that jazz WILL want them to play at their event . Or atleast they will when TASH is done lol jp.So yea thats that ..

OOOO PLEASE DONT MIND THIS MINI ADVERTISEMENT ---- IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW NEEDS A BAND , or DRUMMER THAT SPECIALIZES IN R&B ,FUNK , JAZZ, NEO-SOUL ,REGGAE , POP , GOSPEL , ROCK .. AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN THINK OF CONTACT ME --- SERIOUSLY!!!
BR>
Ive also been working with Ivory on the artist level . Im trying to get his name out there to in the music world . Hes a dope ass drummer so why not. He doesnt play just drums he plays music .. Think about that last line , theres def a diff in the 2. Anyways he's able to teach you and also play without the band if only a drummer is needed .
Things get frustrating as hell because its like I have to do my research in order to make things happen with them because I am def new at this.At times , or more times than I would like it seems like i bust my ass only for them to just be on chill mode but w.e I guess I gotta have patience. Mandel told me its not giving up , if youre simply leaving a bad situation . He has a greeeaatt point with that but I'm a trooper . Ill "give up " when i absolutely cant take it anylonger..

What I have been up to::T Squared

2009-05-10T15:09:00.003-04:00

Okay well Tash has been quite busy lately . IDK if i put a post up about my organization but heres a lil snippet about it . Im trying to start an organization called T SQUARE and its basically helping whatever and whoever i can somehow. No offense to anyone over seas but it just seems like alot of organizations help over there. Im trying to mainly help the rural areas of the U.S because there are alot but the media and everything else just covers up those situations .
Anyways my main goal is to satisfy people . I want to be able to turn this into a huge non profit organization one day atleast by the time im 30 which gives me about 10 yrs and 2 months .I would like to help public schools that barely get any government assistance somehow even if its bringing the schools cases of crayons or something , idk . I also want to make sure I bring a music aspect to as many places as I can . Like the school i went to from pre-k up until 8th grade only really had a choir.Its a private school and im almost sure we got no govt assistance since its private . That means the music aspect of the school was SHOT!. Thats cool but no . I want the kids to be able to join a band or something from one of the local schools.Like for instance , Ivory is band instructor and all that good stuff all around Paterson , so why not help the kids somehow join it. The place to practice is in walking distance from the school . Thats one thing ive been working on . Wish me luck you guys , its def not easy!

My weekend

2009-05-10T13:29:00.005-04:00

This weekend was pretty good . Friday night my friend Quiona hit me up or whatever we tried to get into this party but got DENIED lolso we drove around literally . Fun night . We even went to the fire station the fire fighters was lookin like WTF lmao ..Yesterday was pt 2 . Me , her , sha sha , and anthony went out to eat and bowlin .It was supposed to be like 10 more lol but theyre lame but w.e .Still had fun People was thinkin it was a double date im like NAHHH homie lol. Esp the waitress at Grand Luxe. Im like MS .... WE ARENT TOGETHER.AT ALL!! lol. Anyways good times..

dont mind the hat lol.. its not mine (atleast not until i buy my own) i think i look dope with them on.. OOOO and i kno some ppl are gonna think somethin . I SHAVE UNDER MY ARMS LOL (its a shadow)lol ...

hair

2009-05-09T07:43:00.002-04:00

So I'm on my way to work its 7:48 and I feel like discussing my hair. Okay so yesterday I decided to get a new flat iron .I just had some lousy conair ..well not lousy cuz it did what I needed it to for awhile (like a yr ) anyways I go to sally beauty supply and I'm like what's a good flat iron for aroun 80 or so ..She decided to not answer the question and start dianosing my hair . Like my hair look hit ..it was flat ironed but like stated b4 it was time for a new one . And the humidty was somethin crazy so yeahair looked hit ..

she proceeded to tell me how I have. Breakage and all this other shit . I'm like mkay so what do u suggest . (I kno I have breakage I'm workin on it btw) .. she suggest a product but they don't even have the ish so I'm like mkayy thanks . Then she proceeds to tell me how the back of my hair is shorter in the back from breakage..NO HONEY its shorter in the back from scissors dumbass. Like damn I'm like well ima get some aphogee 2min reconstructor and be on my way ..she's like noo that's not good for your hair . That's if u have a brazillian straightner.. now I'm like wtf r u tlkn about ..maybe she's right but like don't say NO u can't get that like .It worked b4 back in august when I was usin it but I never bought anymore but whatever.. she's like ya hair is very dry also I'm like well actually its not I let the dummy feel it then she's like oookkk wow .so I'm like mmhhmm. I don't get it lol .. anyways needless to say she got on my nerves aanndd I didn't buy anything .. iddiioot

but on a good note i cut my hair on may1st ..then cut it a lil more on may2nd lol so its a lil longer in front and short in the back.. a bob ..lol... i do have breakage im workin on tghat pics comin soon..

why i havent been blogging.

2009-05-09T02:03:00.003-04:00

KINDA SUCKS ACTUALLY.I feel like i have alot to blab about but no words are ike forming in my brain to actually write a blog .. Im def gonna come back later today (hopefully) and cover some topics:school , summer 09,work ,my hair ,my bod,bad promoting , my organization and so on... oh wells toodaloooo until then :) ..twitter.com/_tash89_ :) follow me ... ill do the same :) lol .. peace

Ive Been Tagggged. AND I TAG U ...(LITERALLY)

2009-04-25T00:56:00.003-04:00

Yayyyy I GOT TAGGED .. I LOVE GETTING TAGGED ..
GorgeousGeek tagged me ... go check her out .

Things I look forward to:
1. as weird as this is but having a nice fun day at Dorney Park
2.Having my own car , and apt.
3. Some more tats i need to get before i start swimming ..def not good for the tat
4. Parasailing with my chicas , realllll soon i hope
5.Getting a pet , tryna get Lucky (this yorkie with swag lol) ..but if i cant then any small dog except a chihuahua theyre type annoying to me
6.lIGHT Traveling this yr ...V.A Beach ,N.C,S.C,G.A,F.L,.
7.My organization kicking off and goes the way I want .
8. Making a dope ass name for myself . Like i want to be internationally known for somethin good like my organization , and want it to be known in the music industry somehow ..not video chick known but yea u get me lol

8 Things I did yesterday:(Since its past 12..and the 25th ill answer accordingly lol)
1. Panicked cuz the starter went on my moms car while i was driving it so i was stuck on some lost ish ..
2.Spent a good portion of the day with Ivrito because he was the one that came to help me with the car... Yayyy
3.Prepared for The Coffee House on 5.1.09 (in paterson nj and wanna come hit me up).Made flyers , table thingys , bought coffee cups (cute lil to go ones) ,coffee creamers .. IM ON A ROLL.
4.Got mean mugged by this chick at Burger King. If looks could kill i would defff be on life support. We were orderin the food in the drivethru , im like iv she kno u he like nah ..my food was all smooshed and shit ..WTF lol IVs was perfect ..B.D
5.Had a personal tour of Paterson , we literally drove all around the damn city lol
6.Got PAID!!
7.Watched Finale of For the Love of Ray J, Caught up on Making the Band 4 , and started watching Coming to America (finishing it now)
8.Started contemplating on what i should do with my hair ..New Cut perhaps hmmm?

(((im gonna go against the "rules" and add #9.. me and my friend stephanie spoke ... i kno thats nothing but me and her havent really spoken on good terms since april 4th at around 8 pm lol.. so we started catchin up thurs night i misseedddd her.)))

8 Shows I watch:
1. 30 Minute Meals (or anything Racheal Ray lol)
2.For The Love of Ray J
3.I Love Money
4.College Hill
5.Making the Band
6.Hannah Montana
7.All of Us
8.Anything Reality lol .. im dying(not really) to go on one of those

8 Bloggers Tagged:
1.Miss T
2.Why So Serious
3.Glamour Me Up
4.Sentrell
5.GeneFord
6.Amb
7.whoever
8.wants to do it!

I will put links to the blogs later . toooo tired right now

twitter :)

2009-04-18T23:39:00.001-04:00

okay so im gonna finally start using my twitter ..
follow me :)
twitter.com/_tash89_

...

2009-04-10T04:32:00.005-04:00

So as my earlier post showed I was going through something,this one wont be diff . I feel kinda dumb that I continue to be a little puppet. Steady putting my happiness aside to please . This isnt geared towards any one in specific .

Im starting to hate what we have . I love it for the most part but its always on your terms. You dont want it , it wont happen . Tash want it , it still wont happen lol. THAT STINKS. You're in my heart , Am I in yours? You're in my mind, Am I in yours? You keep wondering why im always crying , its because youre hurting my obviously .Thought things wouldve been better or changed by now , they get good at times only to be back at the same thing. You wont get it through ya head that hmmm maybe I should do good by her. Maybe she might just dismiss this for good.. Then again would u even give a fuck?Maybe not because in your eyes your cool , youre fly and ya swag is where it is ..?? WRONG. I cant be happy for you anymore , I need to be happy for me to . IDK what it is but once you get comfortable with things they go back to the old thing . We been at this to long to have this ruined now . Im starting to not care about anything anymore and i definitely dont want you to be apart of that . Then again , would you care?

LAST PLACE

2009-04-09T23:36:00.003-04:00

Okay so i have been having this on going conflict with myself since as long as I can remember. Im sure I post about this numerous times ,but this is my blog and as things go on in my life im gonna continue talking about it . This somehow helps me . Pardon the language.. I am soo fucking annoyed with my surroundings. I dont fuckin get how I can continuously put everything , everybody , and again EVERYTHING before I put me ,out of the kindness out of my heart but nobody on the fucking face of Earth does the same for me. WTF IS IT?? Do people get that vibe that I dont need any type of love , is it just fuck Tasha all the time? Like damn this shit gets sad as hell when u helpin people all the damn time but as soon as Tasha need a laugh , a hug , a kiss , a damn piece of paper and nobody can deliever??

I hate that i continue to cry about this same situation. I hate that the people I love the most cant ever put me before anything . I hate that I will put my life out there for anybody im close with or care about , and nobody will do the same.

so much ass that everybody I know talk a good one ALL THE TIME about how they are there for me but .. wtf when??.. Im in tears about the same shit ever 2 weeks and I dont even know how to change the shit . Do I dismiss everyone out my life? Like what exactly do I do ? Do I stop caring about people and put on the whole fuck u attitude that they give to me?Like im stuck in a situation where i dont give a shit anymore about anything . IDK if this makes me weak but im letting this on going bullshit get in the way of ME.Seems like people get close to me just to leave .My drive ,motive , love for things , dedication , and focus is GONE . Idk how to get any of it back because I dont know how to delete this b.s out my life.

horoscope

2009-04-07T23:40:00.003-04:00

Cancer
(6/21to 7/22)
Alias:The Crab

Tuesday 04-07-2009

You are finally gaining real momentum in one of your newest relationships --and things are going to take a dramatic turn today. At first.when things are not going smoothly,you might fear that this thing just isnt going to work out. You might want to just throw your hands up in the air. But embrace andy conflict that erupts, because working through it together is going to bring the two of you even closer together.Sometimes you have to argue before you can find any common ground.

OMG this is crazy.. ill explain why later

FN Walgreens

2009-04-03T12:52:00.001-04:00

This post is loonngg overdue. I've been working at Walgreens for a little over 2.5 yrs now. I started the end of august of 06 and it truly sucks ass. I know I should be blessed because I have a job ,and I not complaining that Im working but oh emm gee that place reekss. Like its not the store itself or even customers at this point , its the dumbass people I work with. I have never met people that are lazy to that extent ..I know everyone has their off days but wtf everyday? Like they leave all the work for the people who work to do it ,.God forbid u tell them no , they catch little ass bitch fits . I just don't understand . Like did they wake up on the shit. Did they just decide hmm today im gonna do absolutely nothing at my job? Like I would love to know. Why have a job if u just gonna either sit there or walk around for 8 hrs. Im not saying im a perfect worker but sheeshh I do get MY job done

My job is on this team work shit. Fuckkk That . We are not getting team checks sooo why the hell should we practice team work. Its not a team is lil ol Tasha is doin everything now is it..Only a team when they need something done and they don't wanna do it??? I think not.

Now on to customers. I work in 2 stores. Both walgreens , but very different from each other .. One closes at10 , one is 24 hrs.. One is clean as hell , the other is a nasty ass mess. .. Im not saying the store I originaly work at is better but wthell its better. The customers steal crazy thing. Like there is no need to steal eye cream .They don't steal things I can see people needing like food , or baby stuff. They steal nail polish , condoms , douche, toothbrushes.like wthell. Parents bring their kids there and I guess walgreens is the baby sitter or somethin cuz the parents be no where in sight. Let their kids destruct the place. I just don't get it...

040309

2009-04-03T12:20:00.000-04:00

Mkayy so im in what's supposed to be Psychology class but my teacher isn't here. Usually at like 15 minutes you can be out but me and a few others waited .(wellpp he just walked in).. So annoyed now at this point... anyways today the Iv has a show today so me and tamara are going .My older cousin is too supposedly ,but whatever ill blog again later I suppose.. DUECEZ.

80s baby

2009-03-31T13:39:00.007-04:00

Me ,Steph and the Schmols went to a 80s vs 90s party about 2 weeks ago (sucked major ass btw)I swear we were the only ones dressed but whateva.. the iv suprised me and popped up there along with his brother (stephs bf), and his friend randy (tamaras bf...lmao just playing tamara)..the whack ass promoter kept sayin our names im like wtf .. and he tries to get at all of us . If one says no he like goes to the next , this on going circle..yuckk. so anyways here are the pics..

i lovvve this pic.

the end.

MS KERIIII BABYY

2009-03-29T23:18:00.003-04:00

So i saw her on the 21st and I was still beat to go see her the 24th ,, Why not??? So me and Steph took a good ol trip to the city , went to wet seal and waited about a good 2 hours to see her. Good thing it wasnt extremely cold.Oh well even if it was shes worth it .. :) .. I had to buy the cd twice. I bought it earlier that day at Target thinking i could just get it signed later that day , but when i got to Wet Seal they was like Nah homie u gotta buy it again .. I def did.. I was waitin on line then ppl form Virgin Megastore like well if yall dont wanna wait here Jim Jones , Freaky Zeaky , Dame Dash down the street im like "PSHHTTT NEGATIVE" lol.I was sooo ecstatic when she came out the car was gonna record it but i went retarted then i just lost it lol.. I had a 2 second convo with her.

I asked the guy if she could sign both cds hes like yea if u buy 2 , u get both signed.. so im all cheesy.. So she says" Oh she has two?? hmmm"with a smile .. Im like "yea" (like im 5 shakin my head and shit lol) .. Then she says "So who you givin the other one to?" "Nobody ,both mines""Ohhhh so one for the car one for the house, i got you" "Im like [lol] yea exactly"She did a lil laugh ..Then we took a pic .. Then she was like "High 5 for getting two " My goofy ass and my retarted hands got happy as hell ..lol ... I kno I must seem like a stalker or groupie but ehhh whatever good moment..

Then i take pics have a good ol time , me and steph like lets go to 34th to h and m , and forever 21 .. i lose my freakin bag with the camera and cds . I was on a crazyyyyy ass speed chase back to the store. I got it back yayyyyy!!! Oh well heres pics... and the album was good , some songs im like ehhh but still good album nonetheless..

032108

2009-03-29T22:15:00.006-04:00

MS .KERIIII BABBYY

sophia freshtiffany evans... i loveee her hair i think ima cut it like that

me and the schmols

the schmols
Angela and Vanessa Simmons hosted a lil Pastry fest and had a lil fashion show and performers ((Tiffany Evans, Kat De Luna , Sophia Fresh , and Ms Keriii Baby )) Free from 106 and park, Adrianna (sp) from cheetah girls , Jess from Daddys Girls was there too. I dont have pics for all because i recorded alot..They are allll sooo gorgeous..

Making HIS Band!!

2009-03-29T21:17:00.003-04:00

so Iv went to the Making Diddys Band auditions in NYC.. so me and Steph came up with the lets be supportive.. I was just gonna be his mental cheerleader but ehh whatever we came up with these schnazzy posters lol.. We didnt go because he said he wasnt gonna go that morning , when he really did :( but whatever we showed him that night... he likes....So here are pics of the posters lol.. OOOO and he did good.. Its not the process people thinks but they didnt say "Pshhh wtf be out or tell him go hme so thats always .." Not really my place to go on about it but whatever ,,

poster time ...

I made this one

Steph made that one.. :)

busyyy day..not really

2009-03-29T11:39:00.003-04:00

Things i got done in bold.

Because Im a lame lol ill put my to do list up here:

re-do blog

clean up

write blogs ((Im slippin))

start on english research paper

start and do majority of psych and sociology paper

watch a movie that i have ,but never seen

do my hair

do more research for my organization

plan my friends bday plans

wellppp thats my day , sooo glad im off..

hope everyone has a greattttttttt dayy !!

lil update

2009-03-25T12:29:00.002-04:00

things i gotta blog about :

saturday :)

ms.keri baby

fn walgreens

...

stay tuned

♥

Motivation

2009-03-17T21:41:00.002-04:00

I wrote this blog earlier today ...

Motivation .. Im in class (well waiting for it to start) and that was the topic at hand. That topic has been brought up like 40 times within a week and maybe thas my problem . I have no motivation .. As much as that sucks maybe that's what it is .I feel like I push everyone to gofor what they want . I seem to be everyones support system or everyones mental cheerleader ..Where the fuck is mine ? Then ppl be on some Tash u really not gonna be there ? Like homie , you really NOT there for me so why should I continue being there for them .

Its good to know when u can call someone and they are ya support system regardless of what .Im building that up now ..Feels kinda good , when I feel like something NEW is coming up . I feel like im going in the right direction as of now ..A few things coming up and if I don't have a support team its cool ..Team Tash is in action lol .. Details are that I will do what I need to do for me before I continue worrying about others . Im going to venture off and do things I wanna do .. With some are .. Learning an instrument ... Going thrugh with an audition , im not model type but I wanna do photoshoots .. I also wanna join an organization .. I also wanna take steps to helping a country either Haiti or Africa ..thsoe are the ones in my interest right now . Soo these are some things . As far as the modeling and stuff .. I figure the worse they can say is no honey u aren't good enough . I can deal with that..anyways TEAM TASH is here ...Get wit it or get lost lol .. Adios--Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®=

Excuses

2009-03-17T21:38:00.002-04:00

"Excuses are monuments of nothingness. They build bridges to nowhere. Those who use these tools of incompetence ,seldom become anything but nothing at all."
-author unknown

I've been hearing this alot lately , and hearing alot about motivation [perhaps a sign] .. Im really loving this quote though ..

:)boredom hit us

2009-03-17T18:36:00.005-04:00

that night we was supposed to go to greekfest but tamara (the girl in the back) couldnt make it so we had our own lil party in the car b4 we started our day .. i kno we're weird but hey lol .(((dont mind how i look or sound lol))). enjoy ..:)

:)

2009-03-14T02:11:00.004-04:00

so im a little happy right now ...ivrito just came to see me (well about 45 minutes ago lol). he has to go out of state for a couple of days and he came to see me.how cute? lol.. im kinda gleaming been feenin for a few days to be in his presence.. that sounds crazy lol but whatever just a mini post.. good day planned for me tomorro.T-CUBE is back in action..my schmols and tamara are supposed to be goin to the wax museum in nyc .. we live like 15 minutes away from the city and still act like tourist lol but whateva...cant fn wait.. then later on me and the schmols are going to greekfest (party)..hopefully i have hella fun...hope my bebito have a safe trip... hope all is well with you guys..night blogspot lol :)

dear you,

2009-03-13T20:15:00.005-04:00

hey you ,

Ever felt like one of your closest friendships just DIED!Thats how I feel about us . Surprisingly im not sad or anything like that . I kinda feel like whats meant to be will be. I guess its time for us to move on with our lives. Love you to death ,but its just not their anymore. I kinda dont dig the new you , and everyone is entitled to "change". Maybe its a phase ,but i refuse to let this challenge me as pain.Your finding you , and I found me again. Time for old things to just die down and new things to begin. Like I said before I love you to death , thats never going to change. One day hopefully , things will go back to how they were, things might just be the same.We were there for each other , now there is hella tension in the "Air",but neither one of us HAS to be here. Yes , Im involved with someone but I didnt think that would determine us . Yes , Ive cried to you plenty of times and you was always there for me . I also experienced you semi-spazzing because we didnt talk for a few days , or the one time u needed me I wasnt available. Since Im not the friend you "thought" I was Im going to dismiss myself.Time for me to say goodbye (for now i hope).. Wish we didnt end like this . Love ya...

[(TASH)]

ugh

2009-03-11T00:37:00.002-04:00

IDK WHUSSUP WITH ME RIHGT NOW BUT IM IN TEARS ... i have absolutely positively no idea why and it sucks . Im trying to tell myself things arent that bad but truth of the matter is i dont evn know the "things" im referring to . Yea im feeling unwanted , unappreciative and a few other things but these feelings arent new. Like they arent feelings Ive never had. Maybe im over exaggerating or "o'dn " as iv would say but wthell..I truly hate days like this . Sulky and ish like that for NOOO reason ..Anyways going to sleep now . Today(since its past 12 ) is a new day ..

...7 lbs

2009-03-10T23:07:00.002-04:00

So i spoke to Ivory about my feelings of being unwanted and things of that nature . I told him how I didnt ask anyone for anything yet no one can ever deliver things when i do ask . He then went on to say well Id give you a lung if you needed one . I GOT STUNNED!! Maybe im wrong but I was like you cant live with just one lung .. So then I told him "babe you kno you cant live with just one lung " He was like well Id give you my kidney . Im like aww either way its cute , the lung was cuter he was liek you took it back by saying that . Im like what you mean , he was like I meant the lung thing ,if you needed it its yours , sort of like seven pounds.. Meaning whether I can live with one or not he'd give it to me ..Im like OH EM GEE .. It kinda makes me re evaluate some things at the same time the feeling of being unwanted is still here. Maybe people just dont express that im a priority but I def need to know these things. I am happy and kinda gassed that he would say somehting like that . I asked him like 9 times did he mean it he was like yea . IM LIKE OHHH EMM GEE lol....anyways back to feeling unwanted..

Unwanted

2009-03-10T21:52:00.002-04:00

today i woke up feeling a tad bit unwanted .

Not from any one person ,just in general . Starting to seem like im never really anyone's priority , or things cant be pushed aside for me . It seems like all i do is compromise or in real terms give in to everyone . If they need money i can be on my last dollar but magically a 20 or 50 pop up . I know that may not be a lot but to just give someone that it is . If they need a ride , they can call or if i know theyre gonna need one I ask them . If im sick and that person is sick ill get out the bed to get them some meds or get out of my bed to do something to try to atleast make them feel better somehow.

I dont really ask much from anyone . ANYONE! What I do ask for is time , attention , and honesty.... That seems to be a problem. I could be like every other person out here and ask for money when im broke , to be babied when im sick , and just be dependent on everyone else but I dont . Its not a good look to depend on people in my opinion . Since what Im asking for isnt much , why cant i ever receive that ? why is it ALWAYS a aproblem for everyone? Its starting to get annoying for real . Im tired of people putting me last on their list of priorities .No , scratch that . Im tired of people putting me last on their list of options. Damn, they say you get what you give . HOW FUCKIN LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT ?? I've been waiting all my life , ive never been selfish , never asked for much ... Seems like girls would rather another chick go without someoen to talk to before they offer their ear. They want people to listen and listen and listen to their ongoing problems .As soon as imention something thats going on in my life , which in my opinion is way more important than what youre gonna wear that night at some party or when you go see your bf , they wanna change the subject. And its starting to seem like dudes would rather have a chick whose pety , childish ,needing them financially , and ultimately being a snake-ish bitch before they would rather a chick who just needs them there MENTALLY.I just wanna be secure with my place with people . I need to know the person will be there and not put me on hold for a tv show or something in that sort.DAMN !!.On some serious stuff, its getting hard to find a genuine hug . One when you know the person is actually feeling your pain . . Maybe me and the people I know are to much IDK but its getting tough to handle . FOR REAL!.

I dont smoke but I need a cigarette (sp) lol.Its getting stressful . Do I stop giving , helping people and things of that nature and tell people to find a way to do it theirselves or do I continue hoping Ill get the same in return one day?? I think I put this in my other blog but i dont dig the treat others how you would want to be treated mess.. i do believe in the treat other how they deserved to be treated .. I just need to start following it. TASH is getting tired of the ish .. getting ran over is not cool , at all.

2009-03-08T14:36:00.002-04:00

pics arent that good but thats the tat .. its a swallow wiht stuff inside lol id explain and all that the meaning of them but tooo tired right now .. tell me what u think .. in the design it had nautical stars in between the wings but i think it looks cute without so im gonna think about that cuz i may not add those .. tell me what u think :) .. i was sooo happy yesterday happened . I kinda had doubts that it was but the Iv came through . it was like a lil double date thing (his brother and my girl Steph) but who cares lol. I wanted him to be there and i was pushinggggg the issue lol but it happened.YAY!! He was tired as hell and everything but ilikes that he put that aside for me . COOL BEANZ IVRITO . Sooo he was in the room with me after he found a park (crazy ass nyc... gotta park miles away from your destination) then we got pizza , walked and talked for awhile and that was it. VERY CUTE!I kept tellin him he like Tash I heard u the first 70 times lol. .Anywhoot thats the tat , hope yall like :)...

change

2009-03-07T17:18:00.004-05:00

Within the last month i made a few changes with the appearance.. i wear my glasses now (had a nasty eye infection so yea gotta let the eyes breathe from the contacts ) and i cut my hair again .. i was supposed to let it grow and grow and all that other b.s i was talking but of course i couldnt hold back lol .... my hair covered my tat in the back ...my hair def wasnt long but def way longer than what it is now lol.. here are pics .. dont mind the first 3 i look beat the f up just came out the shower and just finished blow drying it lol .. i got my last relaxer the 10th of feb..

now here I am a lil more polished not really but better lol ..

sooo yea its a bob... longer on the sides.. i likes.. :)..... Ive also been using ambi face scrub and i think my face is getting a lil better . I ran out of my clean and clear and i refuse to buy anymore hair or face or anything else i dotn really need because i want 3 major things .. apt, car and a mac soooo yea gotta save.. yea i kno im getting a tat which could be money in the bank but sheesh all work and no play leaves tash to be a dull chica lol.. but yea ive been using the ambi 2x a day and i do still have some dark spots but i think overall its gotten better.. im also thinking about going natural .. since my hair is shorter it wouldnt be that hard for me to keep cutting the relaxer out .. lets see how long i can stretch this relaxer .. hmmm .. oh wells until next time .. toodalooo

TODAY

2009-03-07T14:09:00.001-05:00

tattttt .. yay im supposed to be getting another one tonight .. hopefully all works out and it happens.. tats are ultra addictive .. cant wait

Boredom:2-Holidays

2009-03-07T01:28:00.004-05:00

I think holidays are SOOOOO overrated. Im not going to say all of them but the ones I really pay attention to , Christmas , Thanksgiving , Valentines Day , New Years , .... (i think thats it , thats all i can think of lol)..

With Thanksgiving the story behind it is kinda ehh. Yea the Pilgrims and Indians were having a little shindig , thanking each other and all that but it was b.s because the pilgrims killed the damn indians right after. WHAT ???!!!! Fattening them up to kill them affect IDK .. So the whole concept is understandable , and how people go o.d with food because thats how the first Thanksgiving was spent but still . Personally my family is following it the original way . (If you read earlier post , youll see I dont really care for my family ...keep that in mind) . My family usually have this big ass "shindig" thanking each other for each other , and all this hooplah .. To me its a bunch of b.s and shortly after the meal or a few days later they are back at each other throats . They arent killing each other ,but the hatred is still there.. Im always like hmmmm.. isnt that the same person u was putting on an act for on Thanksgiving , saying you're thankful and all this other b.s UGH! MOVING ON..

Christmas is a bit overrated to ...not to mention EXPENSIVE . People dont settle for gifts from the heart anymore they want cars and ish these days lol . The real story behind Christmas isnt about gifts either but whatever.

Valentines Day....HMMMM . So this was my first time with a Valentine . Did I feed into the hype? YES !! lol.I dispise the whole roses , and chocolate thing though . Me and the Iv went to Cracker Barrel 2.13 and it was pretty cool.We exchanged gifts although i kinda requested that we didnt . I didnt want any type of chocolate , no roses ,nothing major . Just wanted to spend the day with him.I did want a big ass teddy bear , gorrilla , frog ..anything lol just wanted it to be big , and he got it for me YAYY ! lol .. Her name is Zildjian (if youre into instruments and things of that sort, its a company that makes cymbals , mallets , drumsticks .. things of that nature). Me being the sentimental dweeb that I am , I got him drumsticks with his name engraved on them , a dog tag that had this cute lil message ,this gorilla and a pic of us.. anyways back to my story. That day is kinda full of crud because if you love or care about the person why is that only day some people show affection...

I think yall get my point ... some holidays are eck!!!!

Boredom:1-Relationships and Titles.

2009-03-07T01:04:00.004-05:00

Boredom has definitely sit in. Its the im tired but I def dont wanna go to sleep bored ,and the I should be doing something productive with myself bored but I dont want to do that either.. EH!!

So a few things have been on my mind... Nothing major but things im noticing . ..so im gonna write a few blogs based on these observations :)

1)Relationships and Titles...

The Iv and I have been talking for a little minute now . Im kinda proud at that actually ,because a lot of relationships dont make it that long . Mind you me and him arent an 'OFFICIAL COUPLE" ... We have our ups and downs . Sometimes things get verrryyy hard to deal with . One of us probably doesnt want to be bothered with the other , or overwhelmed by the other.We have different opinions about things , so that sometimes put things in wthell mode.We have strong feelings 4 each other ..its noticeable , people see our connection lol.All in all he has my back for whatever , i have his for whatever , he is there for me , im there for him , im his ducky , hes my bebito lol .... (you get the point) Everything is there except the title.

Did it bother me at first? HELL YES!..

Do i still want to officially be his girl? Hell YES !..

Am i going to continusly bring it up ?HECK NO!..

I know some people are probably like what the hell, and have a list of reasons why the title matters butttt i guess me and him are the weirdos lol. I mean at times I do get curious like WHY THE HELL has it not happened ,but everything has its time .I mean me and him are there for each other , and we are actually doing quite good so its like why do we NEED the title right now .As some of you may know that title can sometimes break a relationship. Everything is there before the title , good times , laughter , affection and all this stuff but as soon as the title comes in things can do a 360 for real . People may start to slack , they may feel a little trapped...just alot of b.s . I guess me and him are going through this little introductory period. Im feeling him out , he's feeling me out . We are both seeing if this is who we want to start something with , accepting flaws , just pretty much seeing if we can deal with each other type thing..Its kind of weird . I KNOW! lol but its working for us . As stated before ,titles can break relationships. Not to bring up anyone relationships but I know a few people who were great before the title . Shortly after they became official , things just changed for the better. Either she expected him to be a better boyfriend , or he slacked off . Maybe he just got comfortable with knowing that she was going to be there regardless so he felt he didnt really have to do anything but nonetheless things got worse..

This has been on the dome for awhile because a lot of people have been questioning me ... Any thoughts , opinions , comments , anything lol let me know :)

ugh pt 2

2009-03-06T03:05:00.002-05:00

okay so i guess i spoke to damn soon . I looked on youtube and saw details fromt he case ofrom the news. CHRIS BROWN IS A COWARD. If these details are true ,then he is a coward . It was o.d for him to do half of that . Over a text message ? Like no she shouldnt have been going through his phone but wthell it was not that serious .If he just was beatin the shit out of her for no reason (to me thats not a reason) , i do feel like those charges that are placed against him are good. UGHHH. Anyways im still ugh about the situation .. Life doesnt need to stop because of this...MOVING ON

SCHOOL!

2009-03-04T08:59:00.002-05:00

This semester I have been extremmeeeelllllyy slackin . I have no idea why , and my test and papers are good but when it comes down to my actual performance in class ... IT SUCKS. I cant focus I need some help for real .Im focused on things I want tho . My dumbass family has always been my motivation for me to succeed. They wanna see me fail soooo bad so I always felt I had to prove them wrong ,but now that Im on careless mode about who THEY are im slippin .. CANT DO THAT ...

UGHHH!!

2009-03-03T21:35:00.004-05:00

OK.. so tired of a few things at this point . Like paparrazi , society , media , all that other b.s has gotten boring .

So hmmmm , whadyakno..I had noo o o o o idea that when a man hits a women the world stopped , held their breath , and didnt proceed until they got further news. Like I am sooo done with hearing about the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation . STFU already . Im not saying it was right for him to hit her , Im not really saying anything about it because I wasnt there , and I damn sure have no clue what was going on behind closed doors but WTH world move on. Im sure they are cuddled up somewhere right now as I type this . I dont feel like its right for any man to put their hands on a women but I also dont think its right for any women to put their hands on a man . Women tend to think that just because they are a woman its a ok for them to just beat the hell out of a guy ..WRONG !! Im sure if I constantly put my hands to Iv and we arent in boxing mode , or playing then at one point in time or another he might just flip out and hit my ass... Yes you can walk away , yes you can take it but men are human just like women . I dont condone (sp) violence at all whether man and man , women and women , man and women , and anything else in between lol . Self Defense, yes!!! In anycase Im tired of it . Im sure they are continuin their lives. Probably chillin together right now ..Maybe I sound like a dumbass but these are my thoughts. LET THIS STORY DIE ALREADY ..

info about ...

2009-02-22T22:04:00.003-05:00

Okay So I know IM LOOOONNNGG overdue for the 25things about you thing on facebook oh well here goes...

1]Tash is just a tad bit crazy {{[SERIOUSLY]}}.. And if I get called crazy ill definitely show you .. kinda like Hitch when he was called asshole he showed it ... yea , that same affect..

2]C.R.E.A.M [DOLLA DOLLA BILL YALLS ..LMAO SCHMOLS].Gotta go after it , it will def. not come after you..

3]I absolutely {[{LOVE}]} musicians..

4]I would do WHATEVER for the very few people i deal with .

5]I hate girls with a passion but i <3>
6]Peter Piper is me and the Schmols theme song ..eki errrrrr [insider]

7]Blogging is my thing.

8]I ALWAYS carry a camera, my phone , and some sort of music.

9]I have absolutely no idea what my career choice will be..:(

10]Im infatuated with cutting my hair although i always complain later.

11]Terrified of big bodies of water &Bridges make my fanny tight...yikes!

12]Ghetto people , ignorance, nasty weaves , bad hygiene (bad teeth , greasy looking etc..) are a few of my pet peeves.

13]Tiara is my boyfriend when I dont wanna be bothered with guys .

14]I hate straws , bottle tops , dirty tables (crumbs and things of that nature) ,things that look like gunk , and empty or half empty water bottles ..idk why but yuck at all of those lol

15]Im going to retire @ 36 .. I dont know how but it WILL happen.

16]Really diggin piercing and tattoos ,,only 2 piercings and 2 tattoos so far..but more are definitely on the way ...:)..

17]I take myspace WAYYYYYYY to seriously.

18]Im extremely jealous ...like Bust Your Windows Jealous..{seriously}

19]I feel that blk people use wayyyy to many excuses.For instance, the white man put blks down , or im broke because the white man wont give me a job , because im blk i have strikes against me ,my president blk so i can do whatever now . Like wthell sooo ignorant . So many blk people have come up so yea if you use those excuses youre just an ass.(Not all blk ppl of course , and not saying that blacks are the only ones to do it but this is what im surrounded by and hear the most).:(

20]I have a ridiculous amount of insiders ... (do the dee dee , baby mike , oohhh nooo baby noo...) lol

21]I kinda hate when people say Tasha .. I know its my name but I feel like the person is mad or on serious mode when they say Tasha .. I prefer TASH.

22]fact:this b.s took me wayyyyy to long to think of.

23]Chanel is my alter ego.

24]Although I complain , and never do this . I actually like to cook . Culinary at Tech kinda turned me off to it but i like experimenting with foods and spices and stuff :/..

25]Im from another planet.. Planet SABEYYAA ... SHALOOMM (LMAO SCHMOLS)

SOME EXTRAS.
26]Im kinda scared of religion . I know youre probably like wthell but its coming to me slowly but surely .
27]I get taken advantage of alot .
28]I hold grudges .
29]I NEEDDDD ROOTBEER IN MY LIFE
30]Love when people talk shit , or tough ... it keeps me on top of mine.and it shows me youre not happy with yourself so u rather talk about something better (ME_ .. lol..
31]Scared of Love...
32]I hate when people say im skinny .. ughhhh
33]I think i might just die young because of respitory failure:(
34]Determined to go atleast 40 places before im 40 (out of country)thats all for now..

swag

2009-02-11T10:06:00.002-05:00

When I think of swag I think its ya whole demeanor , ya personality , ya style , YOU. People walk around here like they have the dopest swag in the world but are either biting off of someone else or they only do it part time. Swag isnt somethin u have when u feel like it .I think ya swag sticks with u . Although there may be times it isnt as noticeable, its still there.For instance I call my "alter ego" Chanel , Chanel's swag is more noticeable than reg Tash lol . The bitchy ,diva, im the shit attitude is there its just not as fierce as it is when Im in Chanel mode .. get me??..

Im getting sooooo sick and tired of people faking . Claiming they have the hottest swag but they are lame ass bitch niggas (pardon my language)..One day your hard , next day your not , one day ima tough guy , next day im average .. Its not the swag thats all messed up , its your ass thats all messed up.Multiple personality disorder is what its called I think..

Guys out here trying soooo hard to impress their friends ...FOR WHAT??. Lying about how many girls they can get but in actuality you showing them how many u cant get because chances are that whole list of names you just told ya friends was full of shit, soooo u just showed how much of a lame u are.Guys trying so hard to be better than the next . NO PROBLEM with that at all but there is a way to do everything. If you going after something better than the next in the right way , and succedding at it then more power to u .. If you just talkin hella cash about what u can do , puttin yaself into debt and all this just to appear better then u are ultimately a fool . Ya swag is garb and u need to fix that a.s.a.p. ...No need for you to tell people business or just randomly say shit to feel cool . Why are u tryna impress people so much ? See , there's a difference in trying to impress and caring what people think about u .. When u TRY to impress 9 out of 10 times u may look like a jackass. When u care about what people think u may seem cautious or u are cautious to things u say or do .. get me?

Then theres also the other type of "swag" im noticing .. Sentimental Tough Guy Syndrome. There is no reason why people should feel like there swag has to be on macho man. WTFFF ..You have a heart , show it . Your beating on your wives for no reason , acting dumb with her and everyone else ..only to think about it later. Did u do it to be cool? To feel tough? .. I dont understand. Show your emotions , wthell .. No one is gonna judge u if u actually stand up for what u believe in or if u be real .. No need to put on this act . Like do u really wanna lose what u have because your a jackass on some days??Its not attractive ...

You can have the swag to have all eyes on you before you do anything (that is sooo dope to me). Ya presence can be enough but if you try to hard, act macho , or if its part time whats the point????... I didnt write this about any one in particular , and if i offended anyone I apologize .. buttttt if you got offended ,you might just wanna evaluate ya swag...

Lovers and Friends

2009-02-08T19:47:00.001-05:00

Lovers and friends..maybe its just me but I can't seem to find that balance to deal with both. Meaning Things are great between ya significant other , things are great between your friends ,but when its time for you to balance things out things get corrupt on one of the sides.

In my case its the "lover" side..I have this friend who I guess is a love doctor , ricki lakes or somebody idk . I tend to listen to her or base me and Iv on her reactions. She's a great friend love her to death so maybe that's why her influence or opinions means so much but ehhhh it sucks. Me and Iv have been good for almost 2 months straight ,haven't had any major arguments and we know what it is. Feelings are def there. Stevie Wonder could see it and a paralyzed person could feel it . For real . We aren't all lovey dovey but its there nonetheless ..

I talk about things with the love doctor just hoping for an ear , someone to listen to me and I almost always get some type of negative feedback . Either a mmhhmm , a hmm or something . It can't ever be damn tash thas whussup or something ,and when it is its pretty much sarcastic in my opinion. Sucks . When im venting about a problem me and him have its always ultra negative on him . Kinda hurts to hear someone talk shit about someone u care about , and me bein a dummy starts to listen to it . Crazy cuz when she goes through something I strictly listen .She's real so she tells me what it is . Im real but I guess I block things cuz I know her reaction ont be pleasant . When she wants to give up im tellin her that the rough time will pass ,reevaluate things a lil more . The end of the day they good kissin and made up . Me and Iv are on some rough patchy shit. For instance superbowl sunday I was venting to her because she's a friend so as stated b4 just needed an ear .. She like he's all about games and blah blah blah ,f that, this and that.. Okay so im like ugh here we go again .. When me ,him , and her were around each other whole different ball game . She doesn't see what he doin wrong .. So I kinda broke down and we had a confrontation (well I was talkin by myself lol).. So we got in the house tension was heavy ,but of course her and hers were good .. Me and iv were ugh!!.

I mean I can't be the only one going through this problem because its in numerous songs where ppl are mentioning friends that talk shit like the dream in bust your windows remix. When he was referring to her friends talkin shit he concluded with saying "they just mad cuz I aint sleeping wit them" .. I kno that's not the case here but it still ties in with friends being in one ear messing up things with the s.o .)...

I hate to be writing this blog but its been bothering me for AWHILE and I feel like it has been putting a hinder on me and the iv for a lil while because I cant find the balance .don't wanna get mean and just straight up say . Stop buffin me ..lol but what do I do .???? Love her , crazy about him ...not tryna lose a friend because bros before hoes (jp) .. Not tryna lose iv .. I think I just have to let me and iv ride .. Know that me and him are good and leave it at tha. Chill , be there for him and not let ppl get to me to the point of him being frustrated because im going on and on about things and to not let it get to the point where im wondering if his feelings are true. .. And with her just not talk about it I guess.. ;(?? Until next time ;:)--Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®=

Gym

2009-02-06T10:27:00.003-05:00

Okay so I went to the gym yesterday ,and I am not happy with myself as far as my body ...I thought I was 7 pounds heavier than I am now. Im not into the skinny look . I need some type of weight on me . I was 135 now im 128 and have no CLUE how I lost the weight , that sucks . I went to the gym and did better than expected so maybe those extra 7 pounds was putting a hinder on things but i doubt it . Like i would do one sit up and be like OOOOOO NOOOO .i was workin out my legs and stuff and I was good.. I used to be like 162 at one point in my life . I kinda liked my body back then hellla fanny lol..so for me to be this small it like ehh

Anyways my goals for the gym is to go atleast 3 times a week , and to gain 7 pounds even if the 7 pounds is in muscle. I dont want my shape to really change I like that my upper area is smaller than my bottom half .lol i wanna keep my fanny . Idk i just like how i looked at 135 . I felt like i was more healthier , looked better , idk idk but yea thats my goals.Im not trying to be brolic or anything like that .Lookin macho is not a good look for me .. anyways until next time :)......

I feel like..

2009-01-31T11:34:00.003-05:00

This post may not make any sense at all seeing that Im kinda rushing . ..As of 11:35 am I feel kinda down . This past week has really sucked for me . My bright and lovely yr started off sooo good only for me to feel shitty at the end of month one. Im not depressed or anything like that , I just feel like i want last week back or atleast the feeling of me being happy back . I know if things are meant to be people come back ,but i feel like i dont want him to leave. I feel like a little wave of pain and sorrow is trying to capture me and Im trying oh so hard not to let that happen.I feel like I won the competition , so why am I competing again?I feel like whatever makes you happy , will not necessarrily make me happy but you told me to have faith in you so im gonna trust your word. I feel like things take advantage of me , friends , work , family ,everything . I feel like I dont know how to stop this from happening ,but im trying to find a way . I feel like crying . I feel like laughing . I wish my heart would slow down . I feel like I hope these feelings are just temporary . I hope there is a brighter day tomorrow. Lord Give Me Strength is all I keep saying to myself. I feel like I really like, hate , care about , wanna hit u , hug u , kiss u , all at the same time right now.I want you to hold me and tell me everything will be fine between us . I wanna feel like no one else matters.I feel like you make me ultra happy , so why make me sad now?...I feel like Ive lost myself . Miss Independent let her heart get captured and in a sense forgot what she stood for. Strength.Independence.Beauty are her mottos. I feel like this blog is helping me alot right now because although its all over the place Im releasing my feelings. I feel like Im going to continue this later . Hopefully later I feel better.

Massive Passion Pt.2

2009-01-29T16:53:00.003-05:00

So Im listening to him last night and he truly has this Massive Passion for something .Ive never met ANYONE to have a passion like this and is doing something with it . I have a passion for music , (read massive passion to see what im talking about ). He pursues with this . Its what he wants to do ... It is what he does. I can tell he gets aggravated and Pissed Off when when people take it as a joke . He makes sure people knows he does this. He takes pride in teaching others and showing off what he has. He does this with all his heart , almost effortlessly at this point.It completes him. Its this motive in his life that he gracefully lives through.If his presence wasnt enough , and it always is ,he has this extra special something to bring to the table. Its sexy , it drives him . He lives for it .

When he speaks about it you can hear the change of voice. I can barely explain it but its hot it makes me intrigued whenever we speak on this topic i cant get enough.. Its sort of like he's anxious , exhilarated , turbo-blasted , in love , yet calm , cool , and collected about it alll at the same time. When I had to go to the store with him to pick up some supplies ,i was almost amazed at the passion in his eyes. Its admirable .Its even better because he has this passion yet i never really hear him talk about the money . I never really hear him go .. well people HAVE to pay me for my services.That doesnt mean people get over on him but it just shows how dedicated it is. When he explains or tells me things and then he follows it up with "Its not about the money .... I just want to play" my heart melts... literally .The rush he appears to have when he does this gets me pumped. It breaks me out of my shell. He doesnt need drugs or liquor to keep him balanced, doing this keeps him high.It eases him . Puts him in his happy place....::sighs ::im ultimately infatuated . seriously ..

Drumming is his life. Its in the depths of his Soul.

cant even describe this

2009-01-27T11:03:00.004-05:00

so she says.........okay so she cant sleep , when she does its like every 15 minutes for only about 10 minutes .her mind is stuck right now ,she dont know how to move forward right now , wish there was a way to go backwards . her vision is blurred from the floods in her eyes. head is pounding along with her heart.she ask her friends for help and theyre just as lost as she is.

idk how they got here it all seems strange.

they were just kissing less than 12 hrs ago , now his heart has changed? ...if feelings are there like he said , then grow with her dont just cut it off like that . that has to be the worst pain because it was completely unexpected. she thought she was ya bust it , ducky , shorty , joint , twinklebutt ...etc what happened to all the things you told her ? was everything a lie?her feelings for you are completely ridiculous. her mind is at ease with you, she worries about nothing .shes been happy for awhile now consistently .yall havent arued or anything else major.she stepped up to the plate of being thre for u ,rearranged her crazyness so yall could work. shes lost.she jumps the gun and says she dont wanna be without you.seriously.

she just wants to talk ,to here, to be in ya presense and for you to embrace her right now. give her that much.dont do this to her .keep everything going. she cares about u and u know it , the sparks that fly between yall isnt recognzable to the human eye but yall both feel them without a doubt. give her the decency of an explanation .open up to her with your feelings ..if youre scared of something as far as yall situation goes, shes there to soothe u .. to let u kno that its all on you no rush or worries ... take her in , reach out to her,be there for her. everything is in a jam right now but hopefully yall work things out .

relationships and love will have the strongest person ,weak because of this.

Myspace, Facebook ...etc & relationships

2009-01-22T00:22:00.004-05:00

Myspace , Facebook and any other online websites like this suck major ass with relationships...With me being familiar with Myspace and Facebook the most I find that with relationships they can kinda put a hinder on it. I know some are thinking well if there is nothing to hide , or if the relationship is true then it doesnt really matter what happens on these websites.... Wrong... With these sites , your mind kinda wanders and any small thing u see or whatever on someones page, u get suspect. Trust can be there , it can be somethin as simple as "hey" but you will swear the person meant "hey" in a flirtatious way .You start to question stuff, the person gets annoyed and thats like strike one against you . Im sure Im not the only one who experiences this but if you never experienced it , trust me you arent missing anything atttt all.Pictures also get ppl in trouble or can kinda mess up the vibe u and the person has.The pic can be dated from before you and the person met and u start to think wth is it still on this website or wthell this or wthell that .. At the end of the day youre messing up your connection with someone for someone else who doesnt really matter anymore & at the end the other person who doesnt matter pretty much wins and take over.. NEGATIVE CAPTAIN.A pic can be on the past chicks page and once u find out ya mind is like wthell if their done why is it still up there.. or u start to think ridiculous stuff. It sucks to think about the person being with someone else ,and thoughts like that dont really matter because youre the person in your significant others life now but ehhh...I recently was being protected by the Iv from girls coming at me wrong or trying to mess me and him up and I took it a completely different because of some pics i wanted tagged.... I spoke to Schmikester and he said the same thing Iv said sooo yea I told u this already buttt IVRITO I APOLOGIZE YOURE RIGHT..

Anyways I typed all this to say what ... Im going to try not to go on Facebook or Myspace for a MONTH starting NOW !!!.Sooo Feb 22 at 12:33 am is the time I can officially go back on facebook. Im taking it off my phones and everything . I refuse to lose Iv or , refuse to mess up the dope vibe we have going on right now for pety stuff like myspace or facebook.. Will I miss it .. heck yes but ehhhhh im more complex then the lousy website so whatever.....:)

A little discussion

2009-01-16T13:02:00.004-05:00

Mkay So me and Iv had a little discussion this morning ...

RECAP ON WHY :I am cheeto man crazy bout the dude , and always wantin to see ,hear, or be withhim .I think he's ultra cool and stuff so why not be around him? NEGATIVE lol. Yesterday I thought he was acting weird with me and all this other nonsense , and i was whining , complaining and overall over thinking the situation when that wasnt called for at all. He says he likes me and I feel he really does but I think that alot of times I push him to be like WTF ??? Anywho I saw him again that night before I went to a party and I was like I feel like im over here to much . He just looked at me pretty much agreeing . I felt bad because I know I was pushing it this week . I need to stop seeing where my limit is and just be natural with things...

Back to the discussion. Me and him spoke on me and him lol. It went in the lines of me being to clingy , and saying stuff that dont matter. Like stated before I always want to see him , and this week I saw him everyday I think except Tuesday . That will ultimately make a dude or anyone tired of you especially when you arent on that level.Im not trying to overwhelm him with me .IDK why im like this with him seeing that my lousy ass ex would never want to see me , take the initiative to see me , or was "always busy" .Im always in contact or pretty much can always be in contact with Iv . I know he's there for me and stuff so WTHECK is my problemo. Conclusion we came up with is being how we were before. Seeing each other when we can ,just not ALL THE TIME . I def dont want him tired of me , and I dont think it can happen but I dont wanna get tired of him either. I like this bond or vibe we got going and not tryna ruin that. We're gonna be there for each other like always , talk like we do , Im his ducky , he's my bebito and thats that lol... Im thinking when I need to see Iv (sounds like he's my drug) do something productive with my life , learn a word , learn how to play an instrument , read a book or something. ....... Soooooo everyone what do u think of the situation and are there any suggestions on how I could not be so overwhelming lol? Until next time :).......

Skating

2009-01-15T13:10:00.005-05:00

Last Thursday me,my girls and Aria went skating . We had fun of course (except someone was annoying and complaining every 7 seconds.. wttttfff lol..Oh well we had fin nonetheless

Tamara Jammin

2009-01-15T12:31:00.003-05:00

Yesterday me , tamara ,schmols , iv and his brother (ray) went to guitar center..heres a little clip .. the rest of the blog coming soon lol.

INSECURITIES

2009-01-12T17:04:00.002-05:00

SOOOO as stated in previous post of the yr.. My yr is going great so far but I realized I AM ONE INSECURE CHICK..Like I know im jealous , not ULTRA JEALOUS on some "I KNOW YOURE THINKING ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW" jealous but I am jealous. When I hear "ex" instead of me thinking past and im the present and possibly the future , I think hmmmmm chick that had his heart,chick that still wants his heart and a whole BUNCH of other things that dont really matter. Idk why my insecurity level has been raising lately but it sucks. Maybe I see what I have and the thought or whatever else of him bein with someone else sucks major ass . Honestly IDK what it is . He isnt doing anything to make me feel like I need to worry , and as a matter of fact he reassures me quite often that Tash is the only one he's wanting.. I told him to keep it real with me and he has been . He hasnt given me a reason to not trust him or things he say.I really dont know what it is. :( I like that he isnt like ALRIGHT Tash think what u wanna think or , ultra non chalant with things. I mean he is kinda nonchalant with somethings on some tough love stuff but seeing that he isnt nonchalant with how im feeling makes me happy cuz it shows he really does care..I do know I gotta stop with the b.s because everything else is going smooth then my over-analyzing self always picks something to dig into lol... IT REEKS .....If anyone knows why I could be like that ,, suggestions are appreciated .. :) THANKS...

G1

2009-01-07T21:57:00.005-05:00

G1......... YAYYYY .So I gotta upgrade from my SKLX.. COOOLLL BEANZZZ... I got it about 2 weeks agho so this post is a bit past due... a few pics of when i got it : )
madddddd souped lol

The phone is about 45678282.90 percent better than the sidekick. It has good apps u can download straight from the phone . Good games and other things all for free (i havent seen one u had to pay for yet) . I LOVE IT :)

this week

2009-01-05T22:15:00.002-05:00

OKay .. so this week was kinda shaky. I know its only day 10 of the new yr but im proud that Ive been happy for this long. Ive been happy a lil before new yrs but now its continuing and Im happy. I did have a few problems this week that woulda had the Tash from 2008 all in destruct and stuff like that. This week I got into it with a girl I knew since I was younger. Me and her never really clicked or anything and I guess we never will. I didnt like how she was acting , I wasnt going to say anything but there is a time when you have to get out of the highschool stage and grow up. No reason to act childish about everything . Im not Captain Mature but still . I also got into it with my Schmike this week . It was a bit serious. So I dont know how things will turn out with that. I kinda think me and Schmike are growing apart. Like we got each others back (although he thinks i dont have his) and no love loss (atleast not on my end) but ehhh.Me and Iv was good this week although I felt some type of way about some things...Anywhoot

The issue on being too available. Maybe I take my role as being there for someone , or caring TO SERIOUS ,but i dont know how to stop it .I know that leaves me out there high and dry to get hurt or used but ehhhhh if I care about you THATS WHY IM HERE. He says its not a problem but I kinda feel like hmmm maybe it is just because it was mentioned. ...I must admit Iv teaches me alot about me . Some things I didnt really wanna know and some things that make me go hmmmm oh really now? I feel like thats why he likes me because Im not like anyone else. Not to be cocky or anything but I TRULY BELIEVE there is no one around here like me . Im the realest, most nervous , shyest ,goofiest ,meanest but nicest person ever lol.. When I say real I mean real in a sense of I say whats on my mind , speak the truth .Not real as in ghetto and hood and all of that . Im definitely not that ....So yea this week was kinda bleh . I hope tonight is better. :).. YAYYYYYYYYY ON MY 50TH POST YAYYYYYYYY LOL

[{TASH}]

SOMEONE HELP ME GET IT

Comfortable

Hair update

UN.DEUX.TROIS.

11

Someone I want to talk

8 and 9

EX-BOYFRIEND ...EX-CRUSH

EX-BOYFRIEND ...EX-CRUSH

STRANGER DANGER!

My Dreams

My Dreams

AMBITA / DEVONTE /RUTHIA

Parents Just Don't Understand

WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME??

NUMERO UNO

30 DAYS , 30 LETTERS.

LAW #3

I think they call this

lack of ambition.

Grimey MUFXCKAS

Amazing SHXT people do

soo

,,,,,,,

+ )

***UPDATES***

Gaining back

upcoming post

friends and ((their)) relationships

:(

relationship days

VACATION

Turning 20

now or never

outfit for 710

MIA

Birthday Wishlist

summer 09 update

im feenin

my hair june

sj09.long post

more of my thoughts atm

6:18

sooo heated

hair again

echhkkk!! mac

hair update

<3

T CUBED

Dorney Park vs 6 Flags

Summer 09

Going Hard

W.I.B.U.2:Ivory Davis; the artist & B.L.V.D ;the band

What I have been up to::T Squared

My weekend

hair

why i havent been blogging.

Ive Been Tagggged. AND I TAG U ...(LITERALLY)

twitter :)

...

LAST PLACE

horoscope

FN Walgreens

040309

80s baby

MS KERIIII BABYY

032108

Making HIS Band!!

busyyy day..not really

lil update

Motivation

Excuses

:)boredom hit us

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dear you,

ugh

...7 lbs

Unwanted

change

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