Sunday, November 30, 2008

my exact feeling at this exact moment

Well its early Sunday morning , and Im on my way to church , yes church . It seems like i always get nervous when i go to church , doesnt matter what church i go to. Anywho im about to be overwhelmed with emotions and feelings any minute now . Lately Ive been extra emotional . Right now I feel good about myself ,but at the same time i feel sad and discouraged. I feel like something is sooooo close to me yet so far .My mom is all the way in S.C so maybe thats it ,but then again maybe its not. I feel like I need to better myself a.s.a.p . I need a change in my life so I can be where I want to be .
Ive been at my job for 2 yrs and im not really getting anything from it except a headache while im there. I find myself as this other person when Im there.I have an attitude always ,im a bitch when im there, im rude , not helpful at all when Im there. Some people may say Im a bitch when Im not there but usually its when im being provoked. I like to think that im very helpful to people . Im always making sure everyone is okay , and if they need something (or even want ) I try my best to provide. Im not usually rude , if me being on my sklx is rude, then maybe I am but I dont think so .Why the sudden change when i get to work ? Some of the customers dont mean any harm by asking a question so why the hell am i so annoyed? .. AHHH! I need to figuire this out .
I also feel like a part of me needs to breakk loose. I feel like I have my alter ego (Chanel) is begging me to let her out ,but I think Im scared of peoples reactions . Chanel is the cool ,not shy , sexy ,never really stressing version of me . I dont take much b.s but she doesnt take any at all . ::SIGHS:: she needs to release herself .
Im on the verge of crying right now and I dont know why ... this ish sucks lol .... UNTIL NEXT TIME :)

1 comment:

Da Hunni Toya said...

AWWW ITS GONNA BE OKAY
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
JUST TAKE IT EASY AND EVERYTHING
WILL BE JUST FINE..