Wednesday, November 19, 2008

to u

I dont know how else to say this or i dont even think i can say this to u directly which is why im saying it where my thoughts go , because as of now thats all they are ;thoughts.

Apologizing takes alot for me to do ,but at this point it needs to be done . I AM TRULY SORRY .Sorry for being extra , sorry for pushing subjects always , sorry for trying , im just overall sorry . I rarely show my feelings to anyone and the few people who i do show my feelings to , know that at times they can be limited.I thought i was doing something as harmless as letting you know , or showing you how I felt ,but clearly that turned into something else. I didnt mean to be extra with you , I didnt mean to push the "official" thing . I kinda wanted u to know that I really do have feelings for you , and I wanted you for my own . According to you ,we are exactly what I wanted except there is no title , and as of last night I accepted that until you decided to take things further . I dont know why I went crazy when u didnt pick up the phone , or text me back when you knew we had a lil plans . It sucks when you do this but i was getting over it .Im really not used to that but ehh i was coping.The average person probably wouldve left it alone , and moved on but its kinda hard to move on from something you actually care about .Im not the average girl , im sure u know that . At times I secretly think , you wish I was though, so things could possibly be "normal" . I dont know where this impatient stuff came from all of a sudden,but its fn up my way of life for real . I was always impatient but the impatient ive been on since around August or September is on some other stuff. I get to anxious or anticipated for things to happen and when they dont I guess I get paranoid in a sense.I dont know how else to say this . Not to compare you with anyone else but I really believe your 717,101,789 (get it?) times better than the past lames .If the only con I have with you is not being prompt with the phone , or youre not showing emotions then why couldnt i just let that ride?. Eventually that would change and you would show them right?UGH i feel so dumb right now .. Maybe im over exaggerating , and like I said earlier I didnt realize what I was about to lose until now because it seems like your really gone . :( I want something to happen , at this point it may take way longer than I want but ill wait and know that the wait is for the best. I mean , that is if u still wanna pursue with it ?Hopefully we talk later , and im still your ducky ..


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