Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Gaining back

Problem:: Changing who I am , for a guy
Solution:: Gaining back MY sexy ......... independence
Okay so if you knew me for the most part of all my life up until around November of last year , you would know that I was an independent , strong , bite the bullet , type of female. I pretty much lost all of that around November. = { . The type of girl that DID NOT take any type of shit from ANYONE.People have been saying I changed , I'm not the same girl they knew before , something isstrange about Tash , and so on . Some people have been real raw with it and just straight up told me
"Tash you need to get your shit together . I don't know where this change came from but you lost your sexy . Seeing you like this is not attractive ::pause:: AT ALL"
It reeked when the person told me that but , it made me realize that ,yep you are right . If my sexy = me being strong , and independent , if I lose that what exactly do I have left? NADA.If youre reading this post , there is a good chance you've read some of the other ones. Some about my life , but even more about my relationship with Mr.Davis.Those post let the world see how we could be at our best , and how we are at our worse. We are like this on going emotional rollercoaster . Im at the part where I ate right before getting on the newest , "biggest" rollercoaster and now Im about to throw up .Dont get me wrong , I have feelings for meathead ,and I honestly believe that they are not going anywhere any time soon ,but im fuckin disgusted with myself. YUCKK!!
I never thought I would be one of those girls that would just dropped it all for a dude. I keep asking myself , "what the fuck is wrong with you Tasha , is he worth losing yourself to?" The answer is def No.
Im gonna admit that part of my reasons for changing was simply because I didnt want to lose him , but I think I pretty much WILL accomplish that because I am not who I was when he met me . He admitted that he never tried to take me away from myself ,but when someone make it easy it just happens. That sounds quite f'd up but that is definitely the truth of the matter in a lot of situations. If you know you can get away with something , chances are you're going to do it and then worry about whatever conequences that may come up , later.I kinda hate him for this but then again I am my own boss , so if I LET him do it , I can only blame myself.right?I told him about what my friend had to say about me gaining back my indepence and he couldnt agree more.He said that Im still sexy as far as looks but as far as the overall package , im lacking . I didnt know Ivory could be that honest with me.(if only I felt he was that honest about EVERYTHING ). That is the honesty I crave from everyone. The truth that hurts like hell .
I need to be exactly who I was when I met Ivory . I'm not trying to go back to who I was because Ivory likes it , I am going back to who I was because that is definitely a better me . I went from well , he knows I dig him but Im gonna make him want me .I am going to be busy , wont rely on a man to entertain me . Now its like he is going to know I i him because I am going to express it all the time, show it / talk about it all the time and live under his sac to prove it some more.NOT COOL.
We shall call this task :: Operation Indepenence.
This change will come , so world pleaseeee prepare for Tash to be back on HER grind = + )....


SwizZ said...

Wow. Well I guess you can say that this was expected. Its crazy because most people fail to realize that this does happen in a relationship and its very hard to try and stay the same person you were before. And for you making it an obligation, I gotta give you props because after people finally come to grips with that kinda thing most tend to look past it. So kudos to you Tash...gain that swagger back...just make sure you don't fall off track again once you accomplish the set task okay.

LynniPretty said...

Aww, congrats girl! It's a good thing that you've realized that you're a different person and you're trying to get back to the girl you used to be. Alot of people don't notice it and when others tell them, they're still in denial. I hope your successful in Operation Independence!

Yours Truly
-Lynni Pretty♥*