Gaining back

Problem:: Changing who I am , for a guy

Solution:: Gaining back MY sexy ......... independence

Story::

Okay so if you knew me for the most part of all my life up until around November of last year , you would know that I was an independent , strong , bite the bullet , type of female. I pretty much lost all of that around November. = { . The type of girl that DID NOT take any type of shit from ANYONE.People have been saying I changed , I'm not the same girl they knew before , something isstrange about Tash , and so on . Some people have been real raw with it and just straight up told me

"Tash you need to get your shit together . I don't know where this change came from but you lost your sexy . Seeing you like this is not attractive ::pause:: AT ALL"

It reeked when the person told me that but , it made me realize that ,yep you are right . If my sexy = me being strong , and independent , if I lose that what exactly do I have left? NADA.If youre reading this post , there is a good chance you've read some of the other ones. Some about my life , but even more about my relationship with Mr.Davis.Those post let the world see how we could be at our best , and how we are at our worse. We are like this on going emotional rollercoaster . Im at the part where I ate right before getting on the newest , "biggest" rollercoaster and now Im about to throw up .Dont get me wrong , I have feelings for meathead ,and I honestly believe that they are not going anywhere any time soon ,but im fuckin disgusted with myself. YUCKK!!

I never thought I would be one of those girls that would just dropped it all for a dude. I keep asking myself , "what the fuck is wrong with you Tasha , is he worth losing yourself to?" The answer is def No.

Im gonna admit that part of my reasons for changing was simply because I didnt want to lose him , but I think I pretty much WILL accomplish that because I am not who I was when he met me . He admitted that he never tried to take me away from myself ,but when someone make it easy it just happens. That sounds quite f'd up but that is definitely the truth of the matter in a lot of situations. If you know you can get away with something , chances are you're going to do it and then worry about whatever conequences that may come up , later.I kinda hate him for this but then again I am my own boss , so if I LET him do it , I can only blame myself.right?I told him about what my friend had to say about me gaining back my indepence and he couldnt agree more.He said that Im still sexy as far as looks but as far as the overall package , im lacking . I didnt know Ivory could be that honest with me.(if only I felt he was that honest about EVERYTHING ). That is the honesty I crave from everyone. The truth that hurts like hell .

I need to be exactly who I was when I met Ivory . I'm not trying to go back to who I was because Ivory likes it , I am going back to who I was because that is definitely a better me . I went from well , he knows I dig him but Im gonna make him want me .I am going to be busy , wont rely on a man to entertain me . Now its like he is going to know I i him because I am going to express it all the time, show it / talk about it all the time and live under his sac to prove it some more.NOT COOL.

We shall call this task :: Operation Indepenence.

This change will come , so world pleaseeee prepare for Tash to be back on HER grind = + )....

upcoming post

• my hair
• outlook on life atm
• upcoming things im looking forward too

friends and ((their)) relationships

Why is it that some friends just dont get it ? Like im gonna be detailed as hell on what happened . Here goes nothing.Before I start im gonna throw it out there that I know I do not have a story book relationship . It gets rocky,and as of now we are on a "break " whatever that is but yea.

Iight so Im Tasha , my bebito is Ivory . My best friend is Stephanie , she goes out with Ivory's brother Ray.Ray is a cool dude that has bm drama .They are in love and all that jazz , which is cool .Me and Steph got in MANY arguments about how its okay for her to talk shit about me in my relationship but when it comes down to her its like , its the way u say it .LIKE WTF IS THAT . Am i toooooo real for u , should i start sugar coating shit ?

Not happening.

They go through arguments , and its like a never ending routine .. Good for awhile then he fucks up somehow then back at it. Meanwhile , Im hearing the stories from both sides on exactly what it is . Im not the type of girl that gets when a guy needs space. He has to com out and say ,"i need space." Even when he says it ill be looking around like ::well what do u mean:: lol . Its whack but its exactly how I am.She doesnt get it either ,then again Ray doesnt say unless he really has to even though he is feeling it .

Recently it was some dumbness that went on with them . They went throught the same routine of being good for a lil while , he doesnt wanna be bothered so he just ignore her .Not completely go M.I.A , just do shit to make her feel like damn where is he.

She became an instant "tough guy" .Sayin she not the tye of girl thats gonna stay in something , yadda yadda ya. She starts comparing all that Ivory does ,to the nothing Ray does .How the hell is it MY fault that her dude does nada . I mean he does work but no side activities , or school or nothing . How am I the blame for that? So anyways she starts comparing making herself feel bad and thats that .

Me being a friend I start to tell her 101728493588 times lie just cool it for awhile , just cool it , just cool it. She doesnt want to listen to me .She take it like im putting her down . I feel like if she is my friend she will listen to what Im saying rather than get offended by it .

Conclusion :: She will contunue to hibernate under his nutz... I dont care anymore . I may have lost a friend , (then again how much of friends were we if i cant bring shit up)... ehhhhh good riddance to u homie if thats the case.

:(

nada to blog about , EVER.