Friday, October 31, 2008

why are people here???

Okay so I should be getting dressed for school but theres a few things on my mind lets see if i can put them here in enough time. Okay so all of yesterday I was wondering why people come into your lives ? Why some stay ? In my case , why do more go? When I was younger I would think that I was the reason people left ,or the reason I couldnt keep a boyfriend , or even why i couldnt keep friends . At this stage in life I feel like if u wanna discontinue yourself from me , your lost . Thinking about all the real people I have in my life makes me happy . I only have about 5 girl friends that I can talk to about anything . I dont really see them like that but at the end of the day I know if I need someone to talk to chances are theyre there . I have 2 guy friends that I can really be myself around, an older cousin , and pretty much my mom . So thats only about7 people that I can really get into depth with . I LOVE that these people are in my lives and I think I would rather have them there then 1000 people anyday.I had so many "friends" in highschool ,hmmmm i wonder where they are now . Which leads me to my next point . If all the "friends" I had in highschool were still there would I be who I am . Would their judgment on me affect who I am like it did back then ?, or because there arent so many people in my life I can now realize and claim my own identity instead of trying to copy theirs or please the one they wanted me to be.As far as me not being able to keep a b.f ...hmmmm i think its because I feel like I am a very strong individual and dont need anyone when in actuallity I do . The guys in the past were ultimately lame and I think I tried to hard to be who they wanted me to be . NEGATIVE CAPTAIN it doesnt work like that anymore.Alot of guys around my age tend to be ULTRA immature and want u to be there only when they feel in need . It doesnt matter if u need them ,it doesnt matter if u really need someone to talk to , doesnt matter if u need a hug , or even just to see the person ... they only want u to be there part time . i dont have time for part time relationships at all . If you want me its gonna be you want me now , you want me later .NOT .. i want u now but want u gone in a minute but i want u to come bak as soon as i call .. When people walk in your life and things seem to go to good to be true what exactly do u do ?Like you meet someone , you connect with the person , the person makes u laugh , you make the person laugh , cant go a few hours without speaking to the person and it kills you to realize u really have to , you miss the person when u realize u have to leave ,the person wants u to be there,and misses u also .... what do u do ? If that was to happen to me :)I think my mind would be boggled and I would be scared for some reason ..with all of that in mind lol . Going back on topic ...I realize the people that are in my lives have been there for quite some time (with the exception of one person )for instance my friend Tyson who ive known since I was 6 ... and my 2 friends from highschool that ive connected with and shared alot fo things with . Highschool wasnt long ago but they are still here .Anywhoo Im still wondering why people come into lives , and some leave without warning ..I haveeee to hurry up and get dressed now so until next time :) ...

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