I feel like..

This post may not make any sense at all seeing that Im kinda rushing . ..As of 11:35 am I feel kinda down . This past week has really sucked for me . My bright and lovely yr started off sooo good only for me to feel shitty at the end of month one. Im not depressed or anything like that , I just feel like i want last week back or atleast the feeling of me being happy back . I know if things are meant to be people come back ,but i feel like i dont want him to leave. I feel like a little wave of pain and sorrow is trying to capture me and Im trying oh so hard not to let that happen.I feel like I won the competition , so why am I competing again?I feel like whatever makes you happy , will not necessarrily make me happy but you told me to have faith in you so im gonna trust your word. I feel like things take advantage of me , friends , work , family ,everything . I feel like I dont know how to stop this from happening ,but im trying to find a way . I feel like crying . I feel like laughing . I wish my heart would slow down . I feel like I hope these feelings are just temporary . I hope there is a brighter day tomorrow. Lord Give Me Strength is all I keep saying to myself. I feel like I really like, hate , care about , wanna hit u , hug u , kiss u , all at the same time right now.I want you to hold me and tell me everything will be fine between us . I wanna feel like no one else matters.I feel like you make me ultra happy , so why make me sad now?...I feel like Ive lost myself . Miss Independent let her heart get captured and in a sense forgot what she stood for. Strength.Independence.Beauty are her mottos. I feel like this blog is helping me alot right now because although its all over the place Im releasing my feelings. I feel like Im going to continue this later . Hopefully later I feel better.

Massive Passion Pt.2

So Im listening to him last night and he truly has this Massive Passion for something .Ive never met ANYONE to have a passion like this and is doing something with it . I have a passion for music , (read massive passion to see what im talking about ). He pursues with this . Its what he wants to do ... It is what he does. I can tell he gets aggravated and Pissed Off when when people take it as a joke . He makes sure people knows he does this. He takes pride in teaching others and showing off what he has. He does this with all his heart , almost effortlessly at this point.It completes him. Its this motive in his life that he gracefully lives through.If his presence wasnt enough , and it always is ,he has this extra special something to bring to the table. Its sexy , it drives him . He lives for it .

When he speaks about it you can hear the change of voice. I can barely explain it but its hot it makes me intrigued whenever we speak on this topic i cant get enough.. Its sort of like he's anxious , exhilarated , turbo-blasted , in love , yet calm , cool , and collected about it alll at the same time. When I had to go to the store with him to pick up some supplies ,i was almost amazed at the passion in his eyes. Its admirable .Its even better because he has this passion yet i never really hear him talk about the money . I never really hear him go .. well people HAVE to pay me for my services.That doesnt mean people get over on him but it just shows how dedicated it is. When he explains or tells me things and then he follows it up with "Its not about the money .... I just want to play" my heart melts... literally .The rush he appears to have when he does this gets me pumped. It breaks me out of my shell. He doesnt need drugs or liquor to keep him balanced, doing this keeps him high.It eases him . Puts him in his happy place....::sighs ::im ultimately infatuated . seriously ..

Drumming is his life. Its in the depths of his Soul.

cant even describe this

so she says.........okay so she cant sleep , when she does its like every 15 minutes for only about 10 minutes .her mind is stuck right now ,she dont know how to move forward right now , wish there was a way to go backwards . her vision is blurred from the floods in her eyes. head is pounding along with her heart.she ask her friends for help and theyre just as lost as she is.

idk how they got here it all seems strange.

they were just kissing less than 12 hrs ago , now his heart has changed? ...if feelings are there like he said , then grow with her dont just cut it off like that . that has to be the worst pain because it was completely unexpected. she thought she was ya bust it , ducky , shorty , joint , twinklebutt ...etc what happened to all the things you told her ? was everything a lie?her feelings for you are completely ridiculous. her mind is at ease with you, she worries about nothing .shes been happy for awhile now consistently .yall havent arued or anything else major.she stepped up to the plate of being thre for u ,rearranged her crazyness so yall could work. shes lost.she jumps the gun and says she dont wanna be without you.seriously.

she just wants to talk ,to here, to be in ya presense and for you to embrace her right now. give her that much.dont do this to her .keep everything going. she cares about u and u know it , the sparks that fly between yall isnt recognzable to the human eye but yall both feel them without a doubt. give her the decency of an explanation .open up to her with your feelings ..if youre scared of something as far as yall situation goes, shes there to soothe u .. to let u kno that its all on you no rush or worries ... take her in , reach out to her,be there for her. everything is in a jam right now but hopefully yall work things out .

relationships and love will have the strongest person ,weak because of this.

Myspace, Facebook ...etc & relationships

Myspace , Facebook and any other online websites like this suck major ass with relationships...With me being familiar with Myspace and Facebook the most I find that with relationships they can kinda put a hinder on it. I know some are thinking well if there is nothing to hide , or if the relationship is true then it doesnt really matter what happens on these websites.... Wrong... With these sites , your mind kinda wanders and any small thing u see or whatever on someones page, u get suspect. Trust can be there , it can be somethin as simple as "hey" but you will swear the person meant "hey" in a flirtatious way .You start to question stuff, the person gets annoyed and thats like strike one against you . Im sure Im not the only one who experiences this but if you never experienced it , trust me you arent missing anything atttt all.Pictures also get ppl in trouble or can kinda mess up the vibe u and the person has.The pic can be dated from before you and the person met and u start to think wth is it still on this website or wthell this or wthell that .. At the end of the day youre messing up your connection with someone for someone else who doesnt really matter anymore & at the end the other person who doesnt matter pretty much wins and take over.. NEGATIVE CAPTAIN.A pic can be on the past chicks page and once u find out ya mind is like wthell if their done why is it still up there.. or u start to think ridiculous stuff. It sucks to think about the person being with someone else ,and thoughts like that dont really matter because youre the person in your significant others life now but ehhh...I recently was being protected by the Iv from girls coming at me wrong or trying to mess me and him up and I took it a completely different because of some pics i wanted tagged.... I spoke to Schmikester and he said the same thing Iv said sooo yea I told u this already buttt IVRITO I APOLOGIZE YOURE RIGHT..

Anyways I typed all this to say what ... Im going to try not to go on Facebook or Myspace for a MONTH starting NOW !!!.Sooo Feb 22 at 12:33 am is the time I can officially go back on facebook. Im taking it off my phones and everything . I refuse to lose Iv or , refuse to mess up the dope vibe we have going on right now for pety stuff like myspace or facebook.. Will I miss it .. heck yes but ehhhhh im more complex then the lousy website so whatever.....:)

A little discussion

Mkay So me and Iv had a little discussion this morning ...

RECAP ON WHY :I am cheeto man crazy bout the dude , and always wantin to see ,hear, or be withhim .I think he's ultra cool and stuff so why not be around him? NEGATIVE lol. Yesterday I thought he was acting weird with me and all this other nonsense , and i was whining , complaining and overall over thinking the situation when that wasnt called for at all. He says he likes me and I feel he really does but I think that alot of times I push him to be like WTF ??? Anywho I saw him again that night before I went to a party and I was like I feel like im over here to much . He just looked at me pretty much agreeing . I felt bad because I know I was pushing it this week . I need to stop seeing where my limit is and just be natural with things...

Back to the discussion. Me and him spoke on me and him lol. It went in the lines of me being to clingy , and saying stuff that dont matter. Like stated before I always want to see him , and this week I saw him everyday I think except Tuesday . That will ultimately make a dude or anyone tired of you especially when you arent on that level.Im not trying to overwhelm him with me .IDK why im like this with him seeing that my lousy ass ex would never want to see me , take the initiative to see me , or was "always busy" .Im always in contact or pretty much can always be in contact with Iv . I know he's there for me and stuff so WTHECK is my problemo. Conclusion we came up with is being how we were before. Seeing each other when we can ,just not ALL THE TIME . I def dont want him tired of me , and I dont think it can happen but I dont wanna get tired of him either. I like this bond or vibe we got going and not tryna ruin that. We're gonna be there for each other like always , talk like we do , Im his ducky , he's my bebito and thats that lol... Im thinking when I need to see Iv (sounds like he's my drug) do something productive with my life , learn a word , learn how to play an instrument , read a book or something. ....... Soooooo everyone what do u think of the situation and are there any suggestions on how I could not be so overwhelming lol? Until next time :).......

Skating

Last Thursday me,my girls and Aria went skating . We had fun of course (except someone was annoying and complaining every 7 seconds.. wttttfff lol..Oh well we had fin nonetheless

Tamara Jammin

Yesterday me , tamara ,schmols , iv and his brother (ray) went to guitar center..heres a little clip .. the rest of the blog coming soon lol.

INSECURITIES

SOOOO as stated in previous post of the yr.. My yr is going great so far but I realized I AM ONE INSECURE CHICK..Like I know im jealous , not ULTRA JEALOUS on some "I KNOW YOURE THINKING ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW" jealous but I am jealous. When I hear "ex" instead of me thinking past and im the present and possibly the future , I think hmmmmm chick that had his heart,chick that still wants his heart and a whole BUNCH of other things that dont really matter. Idk why my insecurity level has been raising lately but it sucks. Maybe I see what I have and the thought or whatever else of him bein with someone else sucks major ass . Honestly IDK what it is . He isnt doing anything to make me feel like I need to worry , and as a matter of fact he reassures me quite often that Tash is the only one he's wanting.. I told him to keep it real with me and he has been . He hasnt given me a reason to not trust him or things he say.I really dont know what it is. :( I like that he isnt like ALRIGHT Tash think what u wanna think or , ultra non chalant with things. I mean he is kinda nonchalant with somethings on some tough love stuff but seeing that he isnt nonchalant with how im feeling makes me happy cuz it shows he really does care..I do know I gotta stop with the b.s because everything else is going smooth then my over-analyzing self always picks something to dig into lol... IT REEKS .....If anyone knows why I could be like that ,, suggestions are appreciated .. :) THANKS...

G1

G1......... YAYYYY .So I gotta upgrade from my SKLX.. COOOLLL BEANZZZ... I got it about 2 weeks agho so this post is a bit past due... a few pics of when i got it : )
madddddd souped lol

The phone is about 45678282.90 percent better than the sidekick. It has good apps u can download straight from the phone . Good games and other things all for free (i havent seen one u had to pay for yet) . I LOVE IT :)

this week

OKay .. so this week was kinda shaky. I know its only day 10 of the new yr but im proud that Ive been happy for this long. Ive been happy a lil before new yrs but now its continuing and Im happy. I did have a few problems this week that woulda had the Tash from 2008 all in destruct and stuff like that. This week I got into it with a girl I knew since I was younger. Me and her never really clicked or anything and I guess we never will. I didnt like how she was acting , I wasnt going to say anything but there is a time when you have to get out of the highschool stage and grow up. No reason to act childish about everything . Im not Captain Mature but still . I also got into it with my Schmike this week . It was a bit serious. So I dont know how things will turn out with that. I kinda think me and Schmike are growing apart. Like we got each others back (although he thinks i dont have his) and no love loss (atleast not on my end) but ehhh.Me and Iv was good this week although I felt some type of way about some things...Anywhoot

The issue on being too available. Maybe I take my role as being there for someone , or caring TO SERIOUS ,but i dont know how to stop it .I know that leaves me out there high and dry to get hurt or used but ehhhhh if I care about you THATS WHY IM HERE. He says its not a problem but I kinda feel like hmmm maybe it is just because it was mentioned. ...I must admit Iv teaches me alot about me . Some things I didnt really wanna know and some things that make me go hmmmm oh really now? I feel like thats why he likes me because Im not like anyone else. Not to be cocky or anything but I TRULY BELIEVE there is no one around here like me . Im the realest, most nervous , shyest ,goofiest ,meanest but nicest person ever lol.. When I say real I mean real in a sense of I say whats on my mind , speak the truth .Not real as in ghetto and hood and all of that . Im definitely not that ....So yea this week was kinda bleh . I hope tonight is better. :).. YAYYYYYYYYY ON MY 50TH POST YAYYYYYYYY LOL

IM YOURS :)

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing JUST SOMETHING TO PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.. HOPE YOURE ENJOYING YOUR DAY .. :) ..((theres more to it this is all i could upload at the time tho the rest coming soon))

1.1.09

New years was great. I brought it in with IV at his church . That was new to me because I never really go to church , so going on New Years Eve was kinda strange to me but it was cool . I would do it again . Church went great . Iv was GOIN IN on the drums .Dude is talented , had everybody movin , whether rockin their heads hard as hell (well heck in this case) , dancin or whatever the case may be I likes when he play .. I think he looks soooooo hot up there (but shhhhh dont tell him I said that lol ) ... His passion for drums is ULTRA DOPE .. lol..:::sigghhzz:: back to New Years Eve .So yea church was good and of curse it felt liek the preacher was talking directly to me . I cant really remember exactly what he was saying but it went in the lines of step away and to the side and things will go down . Meaning let things work on its own . Out With the Old In with the New type things.I had the key points typed ina text message to myself in my cell but that dropped about 3 hrs later and that text is lost in the sauce...Anywhoo after that I went to chill with family . Had fun with my lil cousins . So far the yr is looking good. I know its only 5 days in but still . I havent been stressing about anything . Im not as defensive . Im stepping away and to the side and things are handling theirselves.Me and Iv are good. Im breathing so thats always good.Im feeling good about myself and life. I hope this continues :)

1.2.09

i know this one is coming before my new years blog but its coming lol.. anywhooott friday i went out with my chicas , the schmols tamaraaria quiona ..anyways everything was cool beans . I drove out of state so we could play laser tag lol . I know that was lame but laser tag is the SCHIZNIT for real.loves it . It was at Palisades Mall . That mall big as hell but as we was tryna shop , we notice they had pretty much nothing . All the clothes seemed highschool or for old ppl . The tax is like 8.5 percent or something , and 4 percent on clothes whereas im used to not paying anything on clothes and 7 percent of 3.5 some place. Tax does make a diff. Anyways enough of the tax lol . So yea we had a good time . Had hella insiders like "they cant recycle that anymore" lmao ..."quiona u feelin some type of way back there?" ,and more.. the night was good..

It ended kinda early . We was gonna go to a lil club and me and schmols get a tat .The story with the tat is the shop was closin and they was maddd expensive..not madd expensive but more than i wanted to pay. The thing with the club is , we was gonna chill with Bebito (IV) untillike 10 30 or 1045 but bowling came up and that changed the plans. We didnt bowl or whatever because people had to go home early unexpectedly:( but whatever had fun nonetheless. In the house chillin was HILARIOUS ... Iv boys and his brother was there. Kinda awkward cuz no one was really talkin except his "cuz" ..but whateva.. good times...Ended the night with quiona , iv and his friend which was still cool beans ...
got to the mall my stomach was crampin like crazyyydope grlz .....
at vicky secret ..chick lost her wig 10 minutes later it was OUTROOO...

ALL OF US.. @ IV's Place (that sounds so hot , i want a place .. I WILL HAVE ONE LOL .. Tash's place ... has a ring to it lolm ..) ...
hope u enjoyed .:) video from the night coming soon :).

RECOMMEND...:)

HERE'S A LIST OF BLOG I RECOMMEND READING .. I LOVE THEM ... FOLLOW IF U LIKES OF COURSE ;).....

Miss T
WhosGonnaSaveMySoul
Why So Serious?
Glamour Me Up
Living the LOVELIFE
A Gorgeous Geek
{E}
Like i said i love these blogs... stay stalkin their blogs for an update lmao ..im serious Somethin DOPPEEE about all of these to me . Hope u like :)..